The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

No Mo' Limbo Fo' Sho'

Recent news from the Vatican - the area of Limbo is going to be leveled and a parking lot is going to be built. Valet parking will be available upon request.

Yes, it's true. Babies who die and have not had their tiny tiny heads dripped with water will now be able to go right into Heaven. No word as yet on what is going to happen to the millions of babies already in the Limbo location, but that is no concern to you. They'll probably be evicted to the beautiful Sixth Level of the Slope to Hell. There they specialize in Heresy and Violence, but the view over the Walls of the City into the Seventh Level (the spectacular Lower Levels) are to DIE for. Seriously.

Until now, it has been up in the air what happens to babies not baptised when they die. Some said that they go to Hell, but because they have only committed original sin (that is, no mortal sins), they're suffering is not as bad as, say, my suffering will fo' sho' be. Basically, it was a huge case of emotional and spiritual blackmail to get your babies into the Church. Indoctrinate 'em when they're young and you've got 'em for life.
Here's a question: how can people continue to believe that this place (actually these places) are real? Men get together and decide what is going to change, the same as it has always been done, and then the rules change. St. Christopher? Out of the club, friend. Not so much a saint anymore. Limbo? You're dead to me. Does anyone think we could get a Vatican council to stop priests from getting blown by eleven year olds? Can we make that disappear? No? I didn't think so.

Thanks, Roman Catholic Church, for once again focusing on the invisible and meaningless while avoiding the issues that matter - AIDS in Africa, policies that discriminate against people who want nothing to do with you, and emotional control of populations that fear your stupid ideas. Thanks, putzes.

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