The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Whew!

Well, I am out of from under my bed where I spent the duration of Friday the 13th. I shook and shivered, dreaming of the evils of indoor, open umbrellas and traipsing under stepladders. My cat is mostly black and yesterday, I was exceedingly afraid of him. Imagine if he crossed my path! We live in an apartment, for cheese'sake! It was inevitable! Don't you care that I could have been cursed and shortened my life span?

Jumpin' beans...how retarded can people get? Afraid of a date on the calander? I mean, we got some crappy news yesterday (we owe some money we hadn't forseen), and I can hear the freaks now: "See! It's real! Bad things happen on the 13th! You have first-hand proof!"

Not really, you helmeted, blended-food eater. Bad things happen every day, you just take note of them when they happen on a Friday the 13th and remember. Try to think of all the bad crap that happened in your life - when a relative died, when you got your heart broken, when the fetal monitor wasn't functioning and your brain was starved of oxygen during your birth causing the brain damage and subsequent asinine beliefs you espouse...sorry, that last one is probably too early to remember for you. I bet it wasn't on a 13th though, Friday or otherwise.

So to all you triskaidekaphobic folks out there, ease up. Yes, 13 is one past the magic twelve (twelve months in a year, twelve signs of the zodiac, twelve fingers on your freakish hand). It is one more than the twelve disciples of Jebus, hence it's the first number past rightousness and first on the road to Evil. But our socitey is based on the number ten (easy to add and multiply, base of the metric system, ten inches to my imaginary penis), so eleven should be unlucky as well, which it is if you're Palestinian (I made that up based on a single web-page reference, which is more than many use to make up silly shit you believe).

Stop living under the bed, go live your life. "Unlucky" things don't exist. Go right ahead and open an umbrella indoors while walking under a stepladder and flipping off Jebus in the Sky. If you get struck by lightening after that, I'll pay your medical bills.

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