The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Douchepak Chumpra Redux

As I've said in previous posts, I'm a massage therapist. This field has some great people in it who work, generally speaking, with physiotherapists or other health care professionals to help patients recover from accidents or injuries. Others work in spas taking care of stressed people or just folks who need a break.

That being said, there's a lot of fluffy retards in this line of work. People who just spout bullshit about auras and chakras and crap as if any of it were real. Check out this passage from Douchepak Chumpra's "spa" area on his site:

Gandharva Therapy (gaan-darva)
65 minutes $185
Everything in the universe resonates at an optimal frequency. The chakras, bones, organs,etc. in the body all resonate at a different frequency. The body is in a healthy state when each cell resonates in harmony with the whole being. When there is a blockage, the frequency of the body part in question is altered. This vibrational disharmony in the body allows illness to set in. Sound and hands-on energy work can help break up, release and even dissolve the blockages that originate in our etheric body. Gandharva Therapy also affects the brain wave activity, allowing the recipient to experience alpha states as in meditation.

I mean, fuck me. Where do I begin? Let's start with the first line. What the fuck is an "optimal frequency"? How does anyone know what's optimal for me, as opposed to anyone else? If there's a vibration, why can't we measure it with an instrument? And don't even get me started on "chakras", Shirley. Sorry, no evidence equals no such thing. Once you prove that you can actually detect these things reliably under scientific conditions, then you can move on to working with "blockages".

Speaking of "blockages", what, exactly, is being blocked? The chakra again? An "energy pathway"? How, precisely, does "vibrational disharmony" allow illness to set in? Are you saying that as people get older and develop, say, Alzheimer's Disease, it can be controlled by the patient themselves? People don't have to get sick? Fuck you and your "it's your fault you get old and sick" mentality.

If I hear anyone talking about "energy work" in my presence anytime, there's going to be one seriously crying "healer". I almost pity the next person who brings this shit up around me. What the fuck are you talking about when you say "energy"? No one in the health field defines the term. In case you were wondering, not too many of these flakey motherfuckers has read this - especially the part about "forms or types of energy". Surprise, "vibrational" isn't one. I like the section on "non-scientific energy" as well. Good reading.

Let's move on to, "...blockages that originate in our etheric body..." What the hell is an "etheric body"? I realize that if Douchepak was here, he'd talk all condescendingly to me about how I am, "failing to grasp the nature of the universe and the quantum ideas that have been revealed through spiritual study", but that sort of talk only wows people like Oprah. Real people need answers and there's not one in Douchepak's drivel.

Oh, and one last thing - notice the price. It's $185 for about an hour. I do believe I went into the wrong program. Now I know how Chumpra can afford to drive that Jag and live in his 2.5 million dollar house; fuck me, I charge just under $70 for an hour. This guy is more than doubling my price for shit that won't do anything. For a dude who left actual medicine (I'd guess because he got tired of not getting a huge paycheque and then realized that spouting bullshit and doing nothing was a way better gig...that is, he's a pansy) and delved into stupid crap like Trancendental Meditation, Ayurvedic "medicine", and seriously misguided physics study, he sure knows how to sling the talk.

Of course Chopra never debates anyone well versed in physics (if you google "Deepak Chopra debate" you only get hits for the back-and-forth he had with Michael Shermer where, if I may say, Shermer made far more sense). That would be suicide for him.

For a nice piece on Douchepak, see the entry in The Skeptic's Dictionary. Stop listening to this babbling idiot and save your money. He is a...what's the word..."douche".

1 Barbaric Yawps:

At 9/4/06 10:58 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd just like to thank you and other skeptics who expose frauds like Deepak for what they really are. His pseudo-scientific gobbledygook confuses the uneducated, funneling money into his pocket. If that were his only crime, that would be enough. Unfortunately, he and others like him, divert people away from real doctors who may actually be able to help. I doubt if we'll ever be able to measure the harm this causes.

If you ever manage to get a recent photo of Deepak and post it next to one from 10 years ago, it would be good to see how "Ageless" (cough, cough) he really is. He really is a douche.
Thanks again. I've bookmarked your site. Good stuff!


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