The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Baby Jesus Loves Ball-less Opera

I'm a competitive person. Once I get in some sort of contest, I really try my best to win. Yesterday I played in a Texas Hold 'Em tournament and out of 30 or so people, I made it to the final table and placed sixth and I was sort of upset that I didn't finish in a prize position (top three). It was my second tournament and I had no real business being anywhere near a final table, but hey, the competitive urge kicks in and you focus and you get lucky and there you are. Statistics, psychology, and probability are a wonderful thing.

That being said, let's say I was living in the late 1600's and I'm twelve years old. Let's also say I had a pretty darn fine singing voice and my coach says to me, "Mike, you have a beautiful voice and we'd like you to be a soprano or mezzo soprano playing women in operas. As you know, women are not allowed on stage and since you have such a fab set of pipes, we think you should stay like you are forever. Whaddaya say?"

Well, back then you might have said, "Yeah, sure" and gone on to be a superstar. They'd take your balls and cut them off so your voice would stay forever high and beautiful, the pre-pubescent lack of hormones would never change but you'd grow into the grown man lung power to pump out your girly, Mike Tyson-ish voice to the cheap seats.

Who the fuck thought that was a good idea? And back then, how the fuggidy fuck did they first figure out that cutting a kid's balls off would keep his voice high? What weirdy little decadearian volunteered his figs for amputation in the name of art? Now that kid was competitive. I got nothin' on that kid. I don't care if you say I'll sing like Andrea Boccelli, fight like Chuck Liddell, fuck like Peter North, and cook like Emeril Lagasse, I'm keeping my kiwis safe in the Spiderman underoos.

From the article: "As many as 4,000 boys were castrated annually in the service of art ... and, as pope Clement VIII said, 'to the honour of God.'" I can't even begin to wrap my brain around that statement. Four thousand boys annually. Wow. And does Clement 8's statement mean that his supposed "god" likes ball-less boys? Yeah, I know, invisible sky-man likes their voices, sure. Is there anything the fuckin' bible can't endorse?

Let's hear it for no religion and men with balls.

1 Barbaric Yawps:

At 3/4/06 8:52 pm, Blogger Simon said...

haha - good one. or should that be two?

 

Post a Comment

<< Home