The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Iran, the Pope, and Half-Faced Ghosts!

There's so much going on now, I frankly don't know what to write about. Iran is still freaking and there are talks of women being fined and/or imprisoned for "prostitution" - that is, wearing "figure-hugging" coats and head scarves that don't cover every strand. "Coats"? Seriously? I wonder if Iranian Muslim get hard-ons from seeing uncovered table legs? What if they eat a chicken breast? Do chickens have nipples (there's a question for Mr. Wizard if ever there was one)? If they did, that'd officially be weird. Last I checked, prostitution involved the exchange of money for a bit of weasel or maybe a piece of face. Perhaps my standards are different.

I could write about the Pope and his iPod. Maybe his "possibly Prada" shoes. But really, who cares. A former friend of the Pontiff is up on molestation charges, but in a time when every 4th priest you meet has had his crozier in a 10 year old, it's not that shocking. I'll pass today. I'll even pass on the picture of the Mr. Jebus in the Popemobile. Unless someone's taking a shot, I'm not interested.

I thought that because I have a interest in the paranormal, this would be a fun ride today. It appears that a British pub has a ghost with half a face in the bathroom. Toilets flush by themselves and TVs come on...it's friggin' creepy. I wonder if anyone checked the fuse box or the wiring? No? Did someone call Uri Geller, because I'm sure that dipstick is interested in appearing in 17 different television shows about the "phenomenon". That guy is a...what's the word....? "Media whore". Yeah, that's it.

Ghost stories. Will anyone ever actually see a ghost on film? In this era of video ("America's Funniest Home Videos" is in its 17th season), you'd think someone would have caught something weird on tape. Nope. And don't tell me you saw something on the 'net because if there was tape of a ghost out there, it'd be on CNN, Dateline, ABC, FOX (they'd have an autopsy of the fuckin' thing in a week), and The View where Star Jones would tell about how the Lord took care of her because she was at that exact pub just two months before the incident and isn't the Lord grand to have spared her.

I think we should have a moratorium on ghost stories until you have solid proof of something truly unexpected happening. TVs turning on don't count until you check the wiring and the power grid for that day. Toilets flushing don't count either until an actual plumber checks things out. This ain't Scooby Doo, motherfuckers - but maybe if we all acted a little bit more like those pesky kids, we'd be less impressed with ghosts and such (Scooby Doo is a foreshadow to July the 20th!).

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