The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

It's Pat!

Seriously, how many times can one person act like a handicapped cabbage and still be looked up to? I think Pat Robertson is at the limit.

Squinty Pat Robertson (SPR) has done an interview with CBS News where it seems that his invisible friend has a little bit of an interest in the marital goings-on of a woman SPR is counselling. He was with a woman afflicted with asthma and was trying to find out the cause:

"And then I prayed. And I said, 'Lord, what's wrong with her?' I just prayed silently. And the Lord said, 'Ask about her sex life.'"

Seriously. It seems that because her husband was impotent, she got asthma. I guess it was the lack of sperm in the household air that used to keep the inflammation in her bronchioles at bay. So now, just to pile another duty on god's desk, he now is an ENT M.D.

Then, of course, farther along in the article, we get this gem: "The United States' greatness-- (UNINTEL PHRASE) is our religious faith." Yeeaaah. It's not in your innovation, your huge cities, your mostly great people, or your world dominance...it's the religion. You know, just for about five minutes, I'd like to be SPR just to see the faeries and purple sky and gumdrops falling from Jesus' lap onto my hands. I bet that would be great...right up until you realize he's a raving lunatic who controls a University and about 300,000 people's minds.

Oh yes, SPR was asked if non-believers could get into Special Sky, and he gave the stock answer of, "Well, that's not what the Bible teaches...(T)he Apostle Peter said-- this salvation and no other. And so I do believe that the thought is we've all sinned and come short of the glory of God. And there's one-- salvation from that sin, and that is the-- the death of Jesus." BAD! We're all BAD! Only Jebus can make you good again! Apart from that, you're BAD! And you smell of elderberry stems!

Finally, Patty was put this question, "(C)an you be a good person-- and not be a Christian or maybe not even believe in a supreme being?", to which he threw out, "Oh, I think-- it depends on what the term 'good person' is. Sure, you can be good. You can be a good person. But the trouble is, inside of us-- there is something that-- doesn't want to obey the commands of God. And really deep inside, it has a hard time dealing with some of the stresses of life." Sort of like a priest who bones an eight year-old? Sort of like that?

Most of this interview reads like Michael Jackson talking about Peter Pan, only without the creepy high-pitched voice or non-existent nose. I can't tell you how freaked out I get when I put some thought into a piece like this and realize that this delusional whack-job is mainstream. He ran for President, for fuck's sake. Also, to be honest, I couldn't read the entire two-page interview. It just is too painful with all the "Jesus" and "Lord" and shit. I have a huge problem with conversational focus when I'm dealing with someone who talks about a non-existent entity more than five times a minute.

Now that I have read and posted on SPR, I have to go bathe and ejaculate throughout my home to help with my wife's asthma. Sperm...who knew?

3 Barbaric Yawps:

At 11/4/06 2:37 pm, Anonymous Paul said...

Shouldn't the treatment be more localised than that?

 
At 11/4/06 4:39 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Yeah, you'd think, eh?

 
At 11/4/06 8:01 pm, Anonymous Paul said...

Think...hope...beg...whatever.
;)

 

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