New Hotness in the Koran
Breaking news out of Syria: Muslims have today discovered a way to oppress women that has gone un-noticed for centuries.
It seems that Surah 24:31 talks about women covering up their bodies, except of course, to husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. So, basically anyone. Oh, and they can't stamp their feet so their boobies shake and the people not allowed to see them might get an idea as to what's under their baggy gangsta clothing.
The new interpretation comes from the previous Koran line where it says, "...draw their veils over their bosoms", where the word "draw" is being equated to drawing a gun, and as such, the women will now be put on the front lines of war and suicide missions. The women shall be named similar to South Park's, Operation Get Behind the Darkies, known in Islamic circles as Operation Get Behind the Boobies.
The interpretation comes from Sheik Alan Muhammad Jeffries who seems to be a relative unknown in the Islamic world, primarily because he lives just outside Boise, Idaho and is the owner of a local mini-mart dollar store. He blogs occasionally out of his mother's basement and has no religious qualifications whatsoever, as reported by Reuters.