The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Monday, July 24, 2006

D.D. Palmer - the D.D Stood for "Dynamic Douchebag"

See, I knew I'd get annoyed.

As I mentioned previously, my parents are here for a visit and we, along with my wife, went for a little drive to Port Perry today. It's a quaint little town (actually used in the movie Welcome to Mooseport, starring Ray Romano and Gene Hackman) with lots of small, individually owned shoppes and such. Quite enjoyable...until I saw this:
D.D. Palmer Monument
Yeah, that's a memorial to Daniel David Palmer, the "father" of chiropractic who said that he, "...'received chiropractic from the other world' during a seance, from a deceased physician named Dr. Jim Atkinson."(ref.) Lovely.

I especially love the little quote at the bottom of the inscription. "I have never considered it beneath my dignity to do anything to relieve human suffering" - so, that means you'll commit fraud? Because chiropractic makes not one fucking ounce of sense. Check this paragraph out from the "Chiropractic Facts" page of Parker College of Chiropractic:

But a chiropractor...is really a nerve specialist. For he or she adjusts bones and structures in order to free nerves, from impingement or irritation. And since the nervous system controls the human body by providing the "life force," the whole body may benefit; and, therefore, chiropractic care may benefit the body with almost any health conditions.


The nervous system provides the "life force"? What the fuck does that mean? And chiropractic can benefit "almost any health condition"? Well, isn't that convienient for making a ton of money and never turning away or referring away a "patient"....

Chiropractors claim to correct vertebral subluxations, or incomplete dislocations of spinal joints (if you are interested, there is an article at Chirobase on the subject here). For those who don't know, each level of your spine has six joints (one above and below to the intervertebral discs, and four small facet joints - see here - to the vertebrae above and below). There are also six strong ligaments (you know, that shit you can't chew through when you eat a steak) holding the vertebrae in place (the supraspinous, interspinous, intertransversarii, anterior longitudinal, posterior longitudinal, and ligamentum flavum). Just you try to move those fucking things around when you actually have the opportunity to touch the bones themselves, let alone with muscle, tendon, fat, and skin all over top.

The bottom line here is that Palmer's idea was to make a lot of money with a stupid idea - of which he had a lot in his life. He was a believer in magnet therapy for shit's sake. So if you can, just imagine me in front of that monument giving it the finger with both hands. I would have gotten in the picture, but I couldn't both take and be in the shot and my wife and parents would have thought I was off the fucking deep end for flipping off a piece of stone.

Chiropractors: you want me to believe in your retardedness? Show me the "life force", baby!

10 Barbaric Yawps:

At 25/7/06 4:03 am, Blogger Thursday said...

To be fair, I visited a back-cracker for a while, and he did put my hips back in place and show me a set of stretches to use to make sure I didn't have to go back.

That was in my old home town.

I visited a fellah in my new home town a short while back and we almost immediately started arguing about the movie "What the Fuck Do We Know?" and his ability to cure cancer through poppin' joints.

Haven't been back.

 
At 25/7/06 7:19 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

When you say, "...put my hips back in place...", what does that mean, exactly? I'm a massage therapist and I'm not trying to be a dick at all - it just sounds weird to me. Was it your S.I. joints (between your sacrum and your hip bones) or was it where your femurs attach into your hip bones?

Just professional curiousity rearing its head ;)

 
At 25/7/06 9:36 am, Anonymous Melissa said...

bahahahahahaha...it came to him during a seance...bahahahahahahaha

miss you on MSN. hi to bill and barb for me.

 
At 26/7/06 3:43 am, Blogger Thursday said...

BHM -
I spend a lot of time sitting down - truck and 'puter - and I tended to sit with a "lean": my right butt cheek lower than the left. The pain happened where what I thought of as the coccyx was located, but I see is actually the sacrum. (Got to love Grey's Anatomy being on-line!) Right in the middle of my body, down low. You'll know a damn sight more than I do on this, so does my description make any sense?

With your expertise, what would you have done?

"...[P]ut my hips back in place..." is my description, not his. It was just nice being able to walk in a straight line again! But as I say, the one fellow pretty much showed me a series of stretches to do so I wouldn't be so uncomfortable again: not something I'd consider quackery. The other, however, was sprouting feathers.

Melissa -
Know who you're talking to there, darlin'.

 
At 26/7/06 10:49 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Right on. Usually I would check to make sure you don't carry your wallet in your back pocket and then I'd give you stretches to do, obviously for the low back. Your S.I. joint (between your sacrum and your ilium, or hip bone) has between 1 and 3 millimeters of movement - not very much - and is held together by the strongest ligaments in your body. Most of the time some pressure from a therapist and stretching will get the joint feeling better again unless you're getting nerve symptoms in your back/legs.

I have a problem with chiropractic's theory of "restoring the life force" and all that bullshit. Some chiros are ok and don't keep you coming three times a week forever, but the weirdy theory is always behind what they do.

What was the, "know who you're talking to, darlin'" comment to Melissa about?

 
At 26/7/06 1:26 pm, Blogger Infophile said...

When I was younger, my parents actually took me to chiropracters after a couple of accidents, when I was suffering from some back pain. The ones I saw then were on the professional end of the spectrum - they only tried to fix back problems, and never claimed their practice would help anything else. Not knowing the controversy myself, I thought for a long time that that was seriously all that they did.

Looking at the evidence, it seems that chiropractic actually does work for back problems, and it did seem to help me. Of course, I'm in no good position to judge that. I just wish all chiropracters could be like the few I've known, but that's apparently too logical for them.

"Focus on the part we know works? Nah, we can get more money if we claim we can do anything."

 
At 27/7/06 4:41 am, Blogger Thursday said...

Melissa -

My abject apologies: I thought your comment was directed at me, not DDP! D'oh!

BHM -

That was the difference between the two back-crackers I visited: I heard no weird shit from one, while the other was convinced every problem in health could be fixed by a twist here and there and some positive thoughts. I haven't bothered going back to the second guy.

 
At 24/4/07 1:41 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey scholar! Unfortunately I had accidently browsed across your blog and wow, just when I thought the majority of idiots were already in padded rooms... there you were. You commented on something called "life force." You also stated "what the f... is life force?" To help educate your feeble mind, I have a few things you can ponder. Did you know that:
-every 5 to 8 minutes you have a new stomach lining?
-every 6 weeks a new liver?
-every 4 months new red blood cells?

I can go on and on. What do you think makes that happen? Are you plugged into the wall? Think before you speak. When you cut yourself, it heals. When you break a bone, in 6 weeks it is healed. How do these things occur without our control or know how? This is you need to educate yourself with someone that knows about the innate intelligence that we were born with. I think I stated my point well enough. You just never know when you will run into a upper cervical spinal doctor.

Oh, change your picture if you ever want someone to actually value your opinion.

 
At 14/5/07 5:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is alot of under-educated speaking going on here, and it's pretty sad that some guy with horns glued onto his head (looks much like Satan) can rant about things to which he does not know. So you read a Chiropractic School's web page. Good for you. You don't have Dr. in front of your name, and you didn't take the time to learn the art of Chiropractic in it's entirety. It's too bad. God gave us the innate power to heal from within...why do your cuts heal and form a scab? That's it right there!

The spine encases the spinal cord. Each spinal nerve that exits through the spine goes to an organ or tissue in your body. That's why Chiropractic can help your body heal all of the parts of your body. The "life force" is your nervous system. You can live roughly 7 minutes without Oxygen before you die, and you probably wouldn't want to be awoken after that: You can live about .7 seconds without a nerve impulse. Nerve impulses are the "life force". Subluxation causes impingement on the nerve, thus creating a disturbance of those nerve impulses, in which they can not be recieved by the tissue.

Stop being so ignorant, and open your eyes!

 
At 25/6/07 3:59 pm, Blogger Tom Pry said...

(a) Chiropractic DOES work .. within a very limited range of problems. It's worked for me .. on a very limited range of problems.

(b) I used to work for Dr. D.D. Palmer, Jr (he died in the latter 70s), and he told me once, "If a chiropractor knows what he's doing, a 'standard adjustment' should hold you for at least six months. If he says he wants to see you every week for six months, head for the door."

David was head of the Chiropractic college, but a man of few illusions, and little bullshit.

I'll be doing a piece on DD Jr, the man and employer 'long 'bout Thursday on my site. I'll leave you with this: David would've probably been the first guy to tell you Pop was a BS artist.

 

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