The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Heathen Helmet Award

Welcome to the Heathen Helmet Award, given to the most retarded idea that displays a completely blatant disregard for science and common sense while still being a profitable business. Today's Heathen Helmet Award goes to....
Heathen Helmet
Tellington Ttouch Training! If you'd be so kind as to put your mouse cursor over Tellington Ttouch on the left and then click What is Ttouch?, you'll be treated to a marvelous explanation of quackery and the rationalizations of the mentally deficient at their best.

See, Ttouch is just patting animals. It's based on "circular movements" of the fingers - what most of us call "patting". Apparently Ttouch (or patting) can help with a whole list of stuff that animals do including but not limited to:
* Excessive Barking and Chewing
* Leash Pulling
* Jumping Up
* Aggressive Behavior
* Extreme Fear and Shyness
* Resistance to Grooming
* Excitability and Nervousness
* Car Sickness
* Problems Associated With Aging

Who knew that animals got car-sick?

My favorite part is on the What is Ttouch? page where it says:
The TTouch is done on the entire body, and each circular TTouch is complete within itself. Therefore it is not necessary to understand anatomy to be successful in speeding up the healing of injuries or ailments, or changing undesirable habits or behavior.

Is there any movement or action you do as a person that is not "complete within itself"? What the fuck does that even mean?

And the common pseudo-science attitude of "you don't need to know about anatomy to help people!" is prevelant. No need to be weighed down with all that knowledge, you have some patting to do!

There is also all the common bullshit about "acting at the cellular level to "activate your potential", and other childish ideas. She's going to "activate" your, what? They're not "active" now? How does one measure "activation" of cells? Do they start jumping rope and mowing my lawn? My guess is that all the cells in your body just continue doing the stuff they always do. How boring.

She says, "Massage Therapists and Physical Therapists find TTouch effective in cases of chronic pain and Fibromyalgia." Well not this massage therapist. And I find it interesting that she mentions chronic pain and fibromyalgia, conditions that are extremely placebo responsive. Oh, and dial 911 but stay hidden behind the sofa, because I'm going to die of not-surprise, she has, "...gathered a rich legacy of anecdotal evidence to support the effectiveness of TTouch to enhance personal wellness and quality of life."

Anecdotal "evidence" - just the stuff that the scientific method was designed to protect us from. In case you haven't been filled to the hairline with new-agey marshmellow fluff, here's some more: "Linda’s trust in divine guidance and intuitive knowing lead her to a basic principle of Tellington TTouch: That each one of us has the potential to 'Remember our perfection'".

I'm curious to know if she's divorced. I don't mean that in a snitty way, I'm just interested in knowing whether she has had some event(s) in her life that have made her feel inferior or worthless. I find that a lot of "healers" are just formally broken people who find a way to become "special" again. Linda Tellington-Jones is a perfect candidate to fit nicely in that mold.

So, for relying on anecdotal evidence, and stating that not knowing anatomy is fine when you are dealing with medical issues, and of course for being completely retarded, the idea of Tellington Ttouch gets my Heathen Helmet Award. Try not to drool on yourself.

9 Barbaric Yawps:

At 26/7/06 10:44 am, Blogger Hans Derycke said...

Why wouldn't dogs get carsick? It's a biological phenomenon, not some side effect of our being human.

Not implying that cars are a biological phenomenon, if course.

At 26/7/06 10:51 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

True enough. It's just not something I've thought of before.

At 26/7/06 1:08 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, we've had dogs that would vomit in the car sometimes.
You can get dog carsickness pills too - which isn't as stupid as it sounds, because most (well okay, some) dogs are small enough that they need far less of the stuff than we do. On the other hand, it costs so much that it's probably easier to break a child's anti-sickness pill into tiny pieces.
So know you know :-)

At 26/7/06 10:48 pm, Anonymous ATM said...

Anyone ever hear about horses vomiting in those trailers they're transported in? I'm sure it happens.

At 27/7/06 6:09 am, Anonymous Sean Kehoe said...

Heh heh, typical bloody obvious stuff dressed up as some kind of magic. Perhaps this is how they'd describe a roast chicken leg.

1) Increases energy by working at the cellular level
2) Stimulates the digestive system
3) Enhances longetivity
4) Works for dogs and humans
5) Used for thousands of years to prevent acidosis
6) Proven by medical science to be an effective treatment for marasmus

At 27/7/06 9:26 am, Blogger Hans Derycke said...

I love it, but I wouldn't call it "longevity." The chicken's dead, after all. Or are you suggesting amputating the leg?

Maybe we can say "postpones putrefaction"

At 27/7/06 3:21 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

"Stimulates the digestive system" Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's fantastic...

At 30/8/14 11:40 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is complete quackery, and they charge gullible people a fortune to "train" to be a Practitioner.

At 12/5/15 5:20 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's almost a good ten years after you wrote this, and here I am wishing I had read it sooner. Several years ago I missed out on a promotion in an animal field I was working in. This workplace used, and obviously believed in, TTouch. I was accused several times of being a cocky "know it all", and I now realise, several years on, is that they didn't like me because I wouldn't drink their pseudoscience Koolaid. I had finished a science degree, so although I was suspicious of TTouch I was never able to call it on it's bullshit until now. So thank you. Just wait long enough and the truth will out, just like science. That's the moral of the story I guess. :)


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