The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Browne at Chapters - Sadly There's No Heaven

Went to Chapters today to find Sylvia Browne's book, Christmas in Heaven. I was actually embarrassed to look for it and to be standing in the "Religion/Occult" section of the store with the wall in front of me filled to capacity with tomes by Deepak Chopra (one shelf down) and Browne herself. Sadly, the aforementioned book was not in stock - hopefully because it hasn't been brought in yet and not because all the copies were bought.

But Phenomenon was there, which is one of her other books consisting of a multitude of short entries on a wide variety of pseudonormal and paranormal topics. Sort of like the Skeptic's Dictionary, only if you're mentally retarded. Actually, I take that back - I've worked with many mentally retarded people and by and large they're quite nice and honest. Sylvia Browne is fucking repulsive on practically every level.

Her book has an entry on "gnomes". Yep, like the little stone fellas in your garden (well, hopefully not your garden, but you know what I mean). She said that they are real and live in the first level of the "Underworld", as opposed to being mythical or doing ads for Travelocity. So of course I had to go look up what she had to say about the "Underworld". This is the place, no foolin', where the "little people" live. I thought immediately about that family of dwarves on TLC's Little People, Big World, but no, she meant faeires, elves, leprechauns, and yes, gnomes. Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is also the place where unicorns live. Seriously - do people actually believe this so-called woman is for real? How do you think there are real unicorns in the "Underworld"? Can people who think this actually function in society? Being that stupid makes me wonder how they walk across a room without catching on fire or eating the furniture.

Those little folks should be pretty rich under there with all the oil and gas rights though....

Because the stupid-ass Heaven book wasn't there, I chose to don a pair of rubber gloves and pick up (as in to read, not buy) Deepak Chopra's book, Life After Death - the burden of proof and check it out. The first thirteen pages are endorsements by such luminous notable intellectuals as Arianna Huffington (who must have a crush on the guy as he posts blather on her website all the damn time), weirdyass Rupert Sheldrake, Russell Targ (who believes that fucking Uri Geller can really bend spoons - quick question, if Geller was bending metal with his mind, why not give him a piece that he couldn't bend with his a two inch length of rebar? That'd impress me), and of course, Richard Gere who as we all know is vying for a professorship at Douche U.

That's all I could read because my head started to hurt and I was a bit dizzy. Plus my brain had oozed out my right ear and had formed into a fist and was poised to punch me in the face. You just can't argue with that kind of logic. I had to go home and watch Richard Dawkins at Randolph-Macon Woman's College in Lynchburg, Virginia to make sure I was still mentally intact. You should watch it too, if only for the part where he tells the people from Jerry Falwell's "Libery U" to leave and go to "a proper university." It's classic.

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