The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Friday, November 10, 2006

The Browne Note

Sylvia Browne. The name alone makes me get a little icky feeling in my stomach. It seems she has a new book out called Christmas in Heaven that's all about, well, what Christmas is like in Heaven. Seriously. I guess Browne has a day-pass to get past the Pearly Gates.

On the editorial description says, "Questions such as 'Are there presents and the exchanging of gifts? Do heavenly spirits decorate? and How is Jesus honored? are discussed". There's gift exchange in Heaven?! Fuck! I can't stand gift exchanges. So does that mean there's work too? And school? Do we have to draw names and keep our gifts under $20? Will I have to buy a Life Saver book for my kid so his gift-buddy in grade three will be happy?

Do spirits decorate? Fuck me, I hope the answer is "no". If I have to crawl up on the roof to string goddamn christmas lights on my Heaven House, I'm gonna be pissed. What if I slip? Will I fall and break my femur? Can Jebus just fix me up? What if he's too busy helping the Minnesota Vikings beat the Saints that day?

How is Heaven different from life here on Earth again?

Sylvia Browne and anyone who reads this book and believes her "abilities" are genuine are completely delusional. No qualification at all - delusional. There should be a small tracking device in each of these books so a list of potentially delusional citizens can exist. That way when a baby is abandoned in a hotel room or some nutbag drowns her kids in a car, we'll have a cross reference. Attorneys can say, "well, the accused has a history or being a goddamn empty-headed delusional fuckwit as evidenced by her purchase of Sylvia Browne's laughable Christmas in Heaven book."

I'm all for less government control, but this list should exist.

When Browne makes claims like knowing what fucking Christmas in fucking Heaven is like, shouldn't we expect some sort of evidence? I mean, if I said, "My favorite season on Neptune is autumn - the hydrogen lakes are so pretty", you'd rightfully think I was a slice of avacado short of a California roll. So, why do these people buy Browne's bullshit? It's mind-boggling.

I'm going to go to Chapters and see if I can stomach to read a section or two of her book (but stop before I'm sucked through a shit-portal ending up in douche-Narnia). Then I'll comment more. I have to know how stupid she actually thinks people be continued.

7 Barbaric Yawps:

At 10/11/06 9:22 pm, Blogger Jay said...

I found this part of a review interesting. It seems to be a rather common theme:

I would suggest starting with her book "Life on the Other Side" that book changed my life and finally helped me overcome my fear of God and my fear of death.

People always say when they turn religious that they're no longer afraid to die. In reality, they simply believe that they will continue living when they die. They haven't accepted death. They have just worked around it, in their eyes.

This book seems to be along the same line. She's trying to convince people that when they die they can continue to live their lives as they were for eternity. However, there's no suffering, only happy times like Christmas.

At 10/11/06 10:03 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

...and buying gifts, decorating, and maybe even falling off my goddamn Heaven roof.

I'm ok with death being final if that's what's afterwards for believers.

At 11/11/06 8:25 am, Blogger Paul said...

Nice rant, Mike. My favourite line: "what if he's too busy helping the Vikings beat the Saints that day." That's gold, man. Plain and simple. Pure. Unadulterated. Gold.

At 11/11/06 12:58 pm, Anonymous Melissa said...

"That's gold, man."

Just don't rub it on your eye. ;)

At 11/11/06 2:38 pm, Blogger Ralph said...

I agree with paul. Can't wait for part two. My favorite douche-Narnia. By the way how's the eye doing?

At 11/11/06 6:26 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Thanks, guys (and M ;)). The eye is much better - thanks to tobramycin, not friggin' gold - I'll get to Chapters soon and see if I can bring myself to check out WeirdyAss' book.

At 12/11/06 10:10 am, Anonymous Sean Kehoe said...

I think Monty Python's The Meaning of life has already explained how Christmas is celebrated in heaven.

I would suggest starting with her book "Life on the Other Side" that book changed my life and finally helped me overcome my fear of God and my fear of death.

Seems like heresy. I'm pretty sure we're meant to fear God. Either that or they're reading a different Bible to the one I have here.


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