The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I Hope You Get My Sty, Bastards

So last week I started feeling a soreness in my left eyelid. You may ask yourself, what does a guy do when his eyelid is sore? I rubbed it all friggin' day, that's what I did. On Sunday, my wife and her friends and their kids went to the Royal Winter Fair here in Toronto where we saw a wide variety of farm animals and equipment. I patted cows, horses, goats, and even a yak named King. After each of these pattings, I rubbed my left eye vigorously.

By Sunday evening my eye had swollen up and was quite sore. My wife said that I had a sty, to which I replied, "I have no idea what that is." She said that she heard to rub gold on it. Being the skeptic I am, I doubted the efficacy of that particular "cure". To be fair, she also said that I should go see the doctor at the drop-in clinic which I did Monday morning. The doctor took a look and confirmed the sty diagnosis my wife stated (she's brilliant). He gave me a script for tobramycin drops, four times a day, two drops at a time. Medicine is great.

I looked up the rub-gold-on-it thing on the 'net and couldn't find anything even remotely resembling any sort of rational reasoning for doing that. Most were completely retarded, saying stuff like I should "make the sign of the cross with the ring and circle the eye three times, getting as close as I could without touching it", or "go to a crossroads and say 'sty sty, leave my eye, take the next person who happens by'". Basically taking my crappy condition and wishing it onto the next poor son of a fuck who wanders along. Nice. More than one said it should either be a man's wedding ring (supposedly because it's bigger) or a widow's (maybe because it's sorta fucking creepy). Proof or any explanation was sorely lacking.

I did come across a hilarious piece by a guy named Jason Mulgrew which you can read here that tears apart the whole "gold works" thing.

Additionally, I was informed that putting a tea bag on my eye would work, but when I looked that up there were a ton of "user forums" that made a bunch of claims like "the tannins in the tea have 'healing properties'" that weren't backed up by any sort of reliable medical sites. It may help only because they say to put the tea bag on your eye when it's warm so it'll act like a hot compress, which is what you're supposed to do several times per day.

Drink tea, put a hot compress on the sty. Leave the goddamn gold alone and go see a doctor, dumbasses. We're not in the Northern Sahara, we're in Canada.

By the way, it's Thursday and my eye is much better, thanks for asking. Go go tobramycin! (incidentally, this is a drug that attaches to bacterial ribosomes and fucks up the way its genetic material is read, thus preventing the spread - now isn't understanding something better than weirdy-ass "remedies" that could, in extreme cases, actually cause you harm? Yeah, I thought so)

3 Barbaric Yawps:

At 9/11/06 11:44 am, Blogger Paul said...

In most cases, the fact that there are multiple, various and sundry "old wives" remedies for a condition simply means that if you wait for a few days it'll go away by itself.

At 9/11/06 6:34 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Exactly. The old reason that homeopathy seemed to be effective - most stuff that happens won't kill you and will just go away. By drinking water, you could rationalize that the water "cured" you - hence, homeopathy "works". Certainly better than goddamn bloodletting.

At 19/9/13 3:28 pm, Anonymous Lisa researching sty treatment said...

You can also try plucking the hair follicle closest to the sty. Sometimes that will cause it to drain and give you some relief.


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