The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Six Rules for the War on Christmas

It is now November 16th and that means that it's just about time to start my War on Christmas for '06. Here's the rules:

1. I will not put up lights, I will say "Happy Holidays" or "Enjoy the Solstice" to everyone, with no mention of any Christian icons.

2. I will ignore any stupid songs in stores and not deal with anyone in a Santa hat.

3. Christmas should not take more than two fucking weeks to celebrate. Anything that takes longer than that to psyche up for is a fake holiday.

4. I will not buy into consumer culture. There's nothing I need and will inform anyone who wants to buy me things of that fact.

5. Bill O'Reilly can go suck a cock.

6. Jesus isn't the "reason for the season" and wasn't born on Xmas day. Christian missionaries just made Jesus' birthday on the 25th of December so they could fuck up pagan ceremonies for the winter solstice and hijack them for Christianity. I say, hijack it back. Sir Isaac Newton was born on December 25th, so Merry Newton's Birthday, fuckers. Enjoy understanding physics 101.

7. I really try to not make more than six rules to follow.

There you go. I will now attempt to follow these guidelines for the next month and a half until Jebus goes away for another year. Join me in the war.

9 Barbaric Yawps:

At 16/11/06 11:42 pm, Blogger Paul said...

Ya know, I'm all atheistic and all, but I decorate the house with angels and nativity scenes, and I put up lights, and I absolutely love Christmas music. All of it. Sue me.

At 16/11/06 11:55 pm, Anonymous ATM said...

This year I'm thinking about saying "Happy Saturnalia" back to everyone who says "Merry Christmas".

At 17/11/06 9:06 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Paul - to each his own, brother. I like some Christmas music as well, but hearing it all the time for two months usually kills it for me. Enjoy.

ATM - Yeah, I've thought about doing that too, but there are days when I'm just too fucking tired to explain for the ninety-third time what it is. When people say "Merry Christmas", often I just say "thanks, you too."

At 17/11/06 5:05 pm, Blogger salomedesade said...

Jesus' "birthday" in December was just an excuse to push Christianity on existing pagan holidays, like you said. That's why the Vatican exists (but I'd need my own entry for that topic). Still, I find myself get into the spirit of Christmas, even if I refuse to put up a nativity scene or buy into the "reason for the season" crap.
P.S. Don't tell Bill O'Reilly to suck a cock. He might be into that.

At 19/11/06 10:11 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Paul. I enjoy the whole winter festival, and even some of the religious music. (I've even considered attending Midnight Mass a couple of times, not because I have any desire to return to Catholicism, but because I like fancy and complicated rituals.)

And Mike, I agree with Salomedesade's PS. only I would make it even stronger. The way you phrased it made cock-sucking look like a bad thing. As a bisexual whose favorite form of sex with guys is that, let me tell you it is a good and very enjoyable thing.

(In fact -- and sorry for going OT here, but this pushed a button -- I am surprised at the number of Democrat-liberal-skeptic-atheists -- all of which I am -- who have used homophobic terms to blast Conservatives, from the "Ann Coulter is really a man in drag" to the whole plethora of comments that came out after Foley's Follies and the Haggard and Craig outings. They deserved blasting, yes, the last three for hypocrisy, but calling somebody 'gay' is not an insult, and I was seriously bothered by the number of people who acted like they thought it was.)

Prup (aka Jim Benton)

At 19/11/06 12:13 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

True enough. It was meant as firstly an insult and secondly a call for him (as a crazy right-wing weirdyass) to come out of the closet with the rest and be happy in his cock-suckingness.

That being said, the primary reason for saying that line was to insult him and that was not cool. Apologies for that, for as a straight man who very much enjoys a good sucking, it is not at all a bad thing.

How's this: "Bill O'Reilly can go lick the skids of Santa's sleigh, that fucker." ?

At 19/11/06 3:58 pm, Anonymous Melissa said...

When are people going to learn-- AXIAL TILT is the reason for the season! :D

Hmmm... I like to decorate my atheist house, too-- maybe I'll spell out "23 1/2 Degrees!" in lights on my roof!

Er, maybe not. It's too damn cold out there.

At 19/11/06 6:25 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

"Axial Tilt" - goddamn I love you. :)

At 20/11/06 6:16 am, Anonymous Queen Tina said...

Sometimes we call people (or things, like a class or traffic light) 'gay', because it's fucked up the arse (or ass, as some prefer). So no offence to gays themselves.
And Happy Cephalopodmas to all.


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