The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Friday, January 19, 2007

And I Was Having Such a Good Day....

I used to be a waiter in a former life. I was good at it, I think. The staff in the kitchen liked me and would make me food if I had been on a long shift, but did so only after I had proven myself useful to them; I had brought them pitchers of water, Coke, or Sprite while they were in the midst of a dinner rush and were sweating, almost going "in the weeds" or getting "in the shit". I could also do my own desserts thus alleviating a small amount of pressure from the shoulders of the overworked pastry chef.

From my time in the restaurant and from my subsequent reading about chefs, cooking, and kitchens, I have the opinion that most kitchen folk are "get-it-done" people. They generally don't fuck around and they appreciate others who handle pressure and get things done. Knowing this, I was rather shocked to be watching Opening Soon on The Food Network tonight to see a chef wasting time during a hectic rush to get his place open.

The place was called Dish and was situated in Boulder, Co. This dingus (or perhaps it was his wife/girlfriend - but I recall hearing the narrator say that he called the person in) used a feng shui doofus (one of the country's leading feng shui doofusus) to "rid the restaurant of bad spirits" and talk to a tree by the front door so it would allow "chi" to pass through it. You know, so it wouldn't block people from coming inside.

And in case you were wondering, trees speak English.

There was lots of chanting and waving of vases with what looked like bamboo inside, drawings on the floor with flowers and what seemed to be sand or something, and people standing around looking out the windows...and chanting. The girlfriend, to her credit, seemed a bit skeptical about the chanting but she certainly didn't stop it.

What killed me the most is that all this was happening when their opening was 24 hours away! That's crunch time, when everything should be arriving, being put together, menus tasted and revised, decor finalised, and swishing Scope around your cheeks to remove the faint vomit taste. Way to waste valuable time, assholes.

And of course there's the money factor. I'm sure that douchebag cost the owners a couple hundred bucks, minimum. Fucking feng shui. Oh man, I'm done.

2 Barbaric Yawps:

At 20/1/07 5:39 pm, Anonymous Melissa said...

Did you see Penn & Teller's "Bullshit" episode about Feng Shui? At least one of those guys charged $5000 to FS the home. Don't know if a practitioner could command the same outrageous prices in Colorado as they apparently can in California, but I'm sure that restaurant owner shelled out a lot more than a couple hundred bucks.

At 21/1/07 12:28 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

I did see that episode and it was hilarious. And you're right, the chick in the episode was dubbed "one of America's leading FS experts", so I'm reasonably sure she was expensive.


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