Breaking News - Catholics Against Sex!
It has come to my attention that my former religion seems to have something against protected sex. They have the notion that people should just play Xbox or PlayStation instead of boning for fun, and if you do bone for fun, well then you should make a baby or get horribly sick and potentially die from a disease.
Edward Cardinal Egan of the New York Archdiocese and Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio of the Brooklyn Diocese (aka: "Fast" Eddie Eggs and Nicky D) released a joint statement in response to the New York Mayor's plan to distribute 18 million free condoms:
"Although in their statements they give nod to the truth that only abstinence before marriage and fidelity within marriage are failsafe, by their actions they ignore that truth and degrade societal standards."
Well now I see the light. The only way to have societal moral standards is if everyone abides by the Catholic rules and regulations, regardless of whether or not you think the pope is full of holy-water-flavored shit.
How many times do we have to explain to these fellas that morality is not connected to religiousity? It's not connected to how often you have sex. It's not even connected to (*gasp*) the nature of your sexuality at all. As shocking to the Catholic elite in New York as it may come, there are gay people all over North America who act morally each and every day - raising kids, doing jobs, enjoying friends and family.
Geez, Mike, you sound like you're gay.
Well I'm not... Ok, I blew a guy once. But I really needed the meth. Does that mean Jesus hates me? Is there any way I can get some sort of counselling and be cured?