Here's The Secret: Blame the Victim
When I lived in Japan, I took a "self mastery" course for four days. No, it wasn't about masturbation (although that would have been WAY more useful). It was put on by some Australian dude who was a friend of a friend of mine, so I took it both because I was interested in that shit back then and as a favor to my buddy. The "teacher" talked a lot about "manifesting" and making reality what you want; he also said that he had a strong connection to water (rain, that is) and it seemed to follow him wherever he went. I remember at the time thinking, "Then why the fuck don't you go to Africa where there hasn't been rain in a decade or so...you know, so they can grow some food?"
In any event, the course ended with my total disregard for everything he said - also because he was a fan of the paranoid delusional known as David Icke. That being said, I thought this think-it-and-it'll-come-to-you bullshit was just retarded and would be relegated to the fringes forever. Holy shit was I wrong.
Watch this video preview and then we'll talk, k? K.
So holy jumping Cracker-Jack-eating Christ. Do people actually still fall for this shit? Apparently Oprah does. I love it when people with millions of dollars start talking about "manifesting" the shit they want in life. See, for them, "manifest" means "go out and buy". When Oprah "asks the Universe" for a new Bentley, she's really asking the Bentley dealer. When Bob Doyle (in the video) says, "What will help you generate the feelings of having it now? Go test drive that car, go shop for that home, get in the house, do whatever you have to do to generate the feelings of having it now and remember them, whatever you can do to do that will help you to literally attract it", he's saying something incredibly horrible about the less fortuntate in the world.
It is truly irresponsible to show a kid pining away for a bike in a catalogue and then the goddamn thing shows up on his doorstep. How many times are we going to blame people who have nothing for "not wanting it badly enough"? I can see Oprah on her next fucking mission to Ethiopia squatting next to a starving child:
It's really easy,honey, here's The Secret - all you have to do is try a bite of this deli sandwich I had flown in from Quiznos for my lunch. Once you taste how incredible this is (and it will be, because you've been eating sand and insect shells for the last few weeks), then you'll know what it is like and you'll be able to get the Universe to attract delicious food for you and your family!
Dr Joe Vitale MSC.D (whatever the fuck those initials mean), says one of the dumbest things I've heard this week: "This is like having the Universe as your catalogue and you flip through it and go, 'wow, I'd like to have this experience and I'd like to have that product...'it's you placing your order with the Universe." First of all, the Universe isn't a thing you can chat with. The Universe is not your buddy. Secondly, doesn't the idea that you have to work for things hold any water? Man, I guess three-second bacon and 30-second cakes has really brain-fucked people into wanting stuff NOW!
Bob Proctor says: "If you do just a little research, it'll become evident to you that anyone that ever accomplished anything did not know how they were going to do it - they only knew they were going to do it". Really, Bob? My dad built the house we lived in for 13 years, he knew how to do it. He bought a book that showed him and he had some people come in from time to time to help him. I guess if dad only knew The Secret, he could have just asked the fucking Universe to build the house and woke up the next day to a brand new, sparkly bungalow. Screw those months of planning and toil!
Then comes the capper. Author Jack Canfield says the dumbest thing you will ever hear. I'll put a guarantee on that. If you hear something dumber than this, when next I see you, I'll buy you a beer (or beverage of your choice up to a $20 limit). Here's the quote:
Think of this: a car driving through the night, the headlights only go a hundred to two hundred feet forward. And you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark 'cause all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. That's how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust that the next 200 feet will unfold after that and the next 200 feet will ...your life will keep unfolding and it will eventually get you to the destination.
That is some Top Shelf BrainFuckery, right there. Suggesting that driving around in the dark with only the lights from your headlights to guide you is enough to get you across the country, is just about grounds for a physical beating. So, you don't need to know your destination or any landmarks along the way, don't bring that map, you just head out, completely planless, for your end-point. Don't worry, as long as you've seen a picture of where you're going and you r e a l l y want to be there, the Universe will find a way to get you there.
Wasn't that the plot of Deliverance? Didn't Ned Beatty get ass-raped over a log by a hillbilly? I bet Ned wanted with all his heart for the Universe to stop that shit from happening.
Please don't give these people any money. All The Secret will do is succeed in making Oprah's gullible audience sit around in their mansions and four bedroom houses and trailers and think that it's the Universe that is providing for them instead of their husbands or bosses. Think about it, though - if the Universe actually provided what you desired in your heart and wished for daily, Paris Hilton would have been killed James-Dean-style two years ago.
(ed. note: I keep getting comments on this post that are either pointless or annoying, so I've stopped the chain. If you liked this post, great. If you didn't, then go learn how to do reiki or something because my site is probably not for you.)