The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Acupuncture Claim Gets The Helmet

I have a collegue who works as the massage therapist at the spa that is affiliated with the clinic at which I work. She is taking an acupuncture course and buys into the stuff whole-heartedly, so she's always willing to chat about it even though I think it's...what's that word? Retarded. Yes. We were at the staff Christmas party and she mentioned to me that acupuncture could be used to turn a breach fetus in the womb.

I will repeat that.

She said to me that by "treating" a patient's toe, you can get a breach fetus to turn around into the proper head-down position. This was confirmed by me after going to the House of Good Health web site where they said:
Acupuncture can be used to help a breach presentation. The treatment for this is the simple application of a herb called moxa which is burnt close to an acupuncture point on the little toe (It is often advisable to bring your partner with you when having this treatment as they can be shown how to do it, as it needs to be applied twice a day)

Also at Chinese Herb Academy where they say:
Acupuncture can help with the nausea of pregnancy and there is some evidence that it can help turn a breach presentation fetus. While acupuncture has a long history of use for all the various complications of pregnancy and childbirth, it has not been proven safe or effective for any of these.

Slightly more realistic, but not much.

My problem with this "solution" is that it's too easy. See, when I hear about some "alternative" treatment or weird idea (which happens a lot when you're in the massage therapy field), I always ask myself what else would have to be true if said silly idea were actually to be true and proven.

So with that in mind, if a breach baby were as easy to rotate into proper position as a little burnt moxa near the baby toe, theoretically there'd never be another breach birth. Think about that for a second and then agree with me.

I remember some dumbass coming to our massage school and saying that "the human body can't lie, so you just ask it questions and it will tell you what is wrong" (she was referring to pushing down on the arm à la applied kinesiology). I asked her why, then, do hospitals waste their money on expensive diagnostic imaging machines and tests when all they really had to do was play a game of 20 Questions with the patient's body and they'd theoretically never get an incorrect diagnosis. She verbally tap-danced a bit and moved on to the next person - with such lack of grace that a classmate of mine leaned into me and asked, "Did she even answer your question?"
Heathen Helmet
So much silliness.

3 Barbaric Yawps:

At 15/3/07 4:35 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She said to me that by "treating" a patient's toe, you can get a breach fetus to turn around into the proper head-down position.
She just casually forgot to mention that WHILE she's holding the patients toe, the u/s tech and an ob/gyn are attempting a manual rotation of the fetus. ;)

She verbally tap-danced a bit and moved on to the next person
If you'd hummed a catchy little jingle, to accompany her tap dance, she might have told you that there's a big conspiracy by evil doctors who just want to make money.

I have lupus, fibro, and a host of other maladies. I went to a massage therapist about six months ago, because I was fucking desparate for something besides narcotics to alleviate the pain, and this masseuse was all, "I'm not saying that you don't have lupus, but... I would urge you to have your liver checked." I was like, "Oh. Ok. Well, I usually have my liver checked with bloodwork as part of my standard labs and it looks okay." She got this really worried look on her face and said, "Well, the labs might say it's fine, but your feet say "SICK LIVER!""

I asked her if my feet said I had lupus and she's all..."oh...well, maybe your lupus is effecting your liver."

FUCKING DUH! Or, could it be that I listed narcotics on my health history and you're playing doctor?

If my feet are talking, they should really tell my doctors how to cure lupus.

At 15/3/07 8:26 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

See, it's retard massage therapists like that who make me just insane. Your foot is a LONG way from your liver - I'd like to know if that "therapist" even knows the anatomy of a foot, for fuck's sake.

Sorry you tried and got a dumbass.

At 15/3/07 12:35 pm, Blogger King Aardvark said...

Did you see that PEI is now going to have a government funded pain clinic that includes acupuncture treatment? Acupuncture is still not covered by the provincial health plan, but they are definitely giving it legitimacy by making it part of a public clinic.


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