The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

An Anon-Chiropractic Heckler (edited for broken link)

I received this lovely note in response to a previous post I did about the silliness of chiropractic theory:
Hey scholar! Unfortunately I had accidently browsed across your blog and wow, just when I thought the majority of idiots were already in padded rooms... there you were. You commented on something called "life force." You also stated "what the f... is life force?" To help educate your feeble mind, I have a few things you can ponder. Did you know that:
-every 5 to 8 minutes you have a new stomach lining?
-every 6 weeks a new liver?
-every 4 months new red blood cells?

I can go on and on. What do you think makes that happen? Are you plugged into the wall? Think before you speak. When you cut yourself, it heals. When you break a bone, in 6 weeks it is healed. How do these things occur without our control or know how? This is you need to educate yourself with someone that knows about the innate intelligence that we were born with. I think I stated my point well enough. You just never know when you will run into a upper cervical spinal doctor.

Oh, change your picture if you ever want someone to actually value your opinion.
Oooo...I'm a scholar! Ok, first off, who says I'm gunning for people to "value my opinion"? Geez, presume much? I think Dr. Upper-Cervical-Spine should do the world a favor and down a bottle of homeopathic night-shade and not kill himself.

Where do I start with this guy (I assume this is a guy until proven otherwise)? He gets snarky about my use of life force and then gives Stephen Colbert-type, non-sequitor "facts" to back up his belief in said "life force". Every 5 to 8 minutes you get a new stomach lining, do you? You might want to inform the writers of Molecular Biology of the Cell who wrote:
In the stomach...the most exposed surfaces are lined with mucous cells. And...the whole lining of the stomach and intestine is continually renewed and replaced by freshly generated cells, with a turnover time of a week or less. ref.
Somehow I can't see "or less" meaning a matter of minutes. Are you really a doctor? I'm finding myself doubting you and I'm just getting started.

What do I think makes cellular regeneration happen? The physiology of the cells, sir. How do you make shit? After you eat that seventh Twinkie, do you actually think about and control the acid, the bowel contractions, and the water/nutrient absorption? If you do, I believe there are some scientists who would like to have a talk with you.

He asks, "Are you plugged into a wall?" Well, no, I haven't been since I accidentally inserted my finger into the socket trying to plug in the old TV so I could watch Atlantic Grand Prix Wrestling. I'd like to ask Mr. I-Know-About-Bodies a question though: Is your heart plugged into anything? Unless you have a pace-maker (implanted by a real doctor), your heart has these things called "pacemaker cells" that spontaneously depolarize and send the muscle into contraction, thus causing your heart to pump. Ever heard of an ECG? Yeah, it reads the electrical activity of your heart - when you're not plugged into the wall. Do I know how the cells depolarize? No, but neither do you - at least I'm honest about it and don't make shit up to answer questions I'm not sure about.

Then this person says something truly stupid about bone healing and the "facts" he spouts: "How do these things occur without our control or know how?" Gee, I wasn't aware that I was supposed to pay attention to my blood cells replacing themselves, or my skin making that attractive scab on my elbow. Can one just concentrate and control the smooth muscle contractions in one's small intestine? This guy must be so in touch with himself, and not in the fun way.

Apparently, I need to learn more about the "innate intelligence" I was born with. Quick point though - if everyone is born with smarts regarding their health and how to get better, why do the countries with the most advanced health care systems have the longest life spans (ref.)? You might want to look at Africa (sorry, the last link broke on me) and then notice that most of those countries have shitty health systems. In particular, take a boo at India - the country that oozes prana, the counterpoint to your innate intelligence. It has lower expectancy than China and it's on par with goddamn Iraq where a war has been raging for just about four years.

I'm going to write more on this, but now I have to get to work.

You know what annoys me the most about "Anonymous"? I was thinking about changing my picture, just for a new look, and now I don't want to because of this assclown. I'm going to stay with the horns now just out of spite!

Finally, chiropractic can be summed up nicely, I think, by the words of B.J. Palmer: "The world is your cow -- but you must do the milking," and of course the famous "Early to bed and early to rise -- work like hell and advertise." Nice ring to it, eh?

19 Barbaric Yawps:

At 24/4/07 9:31 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 24/4/07 10:23 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your pic. Especially the horns.

At 24/4/07 11:23 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I know where this whackjob got his "new liver every six months" info - From the professor of whackjobs:

I guess since I get a new liver every six months I can continue with my whiskey and moonshine therapy sessions.

At 24/4/07 3:12 pm, Blogger King Aardvark said...

I have an uncle who's a chiropractic physician, if you want to call him that. He's a real doctor in Austria and up until recently presided over a small mountain town as the only physician, tended to tourists breaking their legs skiing etc. But he's also a chiropractor during the summer months (he's not overwhelmed with skiers then) but he's one of those "solve the problem and go away" types.

You can keep horns in your picture thus sticking it to anonymous while still going for a change. What you need are bigger, more obnoxious horns.

At 24/4/07 5:00 pm, Blogger StefRobrts said...

I like the way this guy calls you an idiot, and then presents incorrect facts that do not in any way pertain to the initial question "what the F is Life Force?'. That way you can be amazed by his crap and make up your own answer for 'life force', which is what the woo people prefer, that way they don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing and making you suspect they know nothing. Which is pretty much what they know. Then he changes the subject by turning on your horns. Apparently they don't have any debate classes in chiro school - or maybe that's what they teach in Dazzling The Masses With Bullshit 101 :D


At 25/4/07 1:39 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You definitely need a new pic... you need BIGGER HORNS!! I want, not only, "more horn", I want 100% more horn. ;)

To Dr. Upper-Cervical-Spine-Doctor: Degrees that you cut out of the back of Astrology Today don't make you a doctor.

At 25/4/07 10:34 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny, I started reading because I enjoyed your use of logic and scientific evidence in your postings, but now, reading how you slapped this nitwit faith healer, I think I love you, horns and all!

At 25/4/07 2:50 pm, Blogger Rev. BigDumbChimp said...

Are you really a doctor?


Back in my hellish job days I worked for a a company where we managed networks and systems for small companies. 5 of the companies I dealt with we're chiropractor offices. I always knew chiropractors were sketchy but I never realized that they are a cult. Every one of these places had the same fucked up literature on healing and energy and other strange woo. And everyone was always so smiley and creepy as hell in those places including the patients... I mean zombies.

And to a shop there was always some Jesus literature somewhere.

At 25/4/07 8:53 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Well now I'll just have to find bigger horns, won't I? Scavenger hunt, here I come.

You guys rock.

At 30/4/07 7:07 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I help relieve people of pain and suffering, but I also relieve people of their ignorance.
The principles of Chiropractic are well established in the medical literature. The nervous system controls the function of every cell, tissue, organ and system in the body and adapts the body to it's environment. The brain accomplishes this by transmitting electrical impulses along nerves. Every distorted thought in your heads are a product of neural impulses. Every memory, emotion and experience is due to nerve impulses. Nerve impulses cause you to see, hear, taste, smell, feel, talk etc. They cause your heart to beat, control your circulation, blood pressure, digestion, elimination, reproduction and sexual function. Every muscle contraction and movement you have ever made is due to neural impulses. Nerves even release neuropeptides into your blood that communicate directly to the white blood cells floating around your body. The messages stored and transmitted by your nervous system are refered to by neuroscientists as the neural code. With all our modern technology the neural code continues to remain a mystery. How a thought or image in your mind is generated by neural impulses is beyond our current comprehension. Chiropractic's main role in health care is to treat a condition that interferes with the transmission of nerve impulses from the brain to the body. This condition is called vertebral subluxation complex. When a spinal bone misaligns or moves abnormally it can compress, choke, stretch or irritate deleicate nerve tissue. This interferes with the transmission of nerve impulses. This is especially important to health if it effects the sympathetic nervous system. This is part of the autonomic nervous system which is your bodies auto-pilot. It's controlling your heart, breathing etc. while you sit at the keyboard and spew idiocy. When sympathetic nerves become facilitated they cause the blood vessels they supply to become vasoconstricted. This impairs the deleivery of nutrients and oxygen to the cells. The resulatant state of hypoxia is a primary cause of cellular disease (Boyd's Text. of Pathology). Chiropractic locates areas of spinal misalignment or spinal malfunction and designs a rehab program to maximally correct the abnormalities. Due to neural-muscle memory, these abnormal patterns of misalignment are well-ingrained. This is why adjustments and rehab exercises need to be repeated over time to re-educate and reprogram the patterns into healthier ones. The primary objective is to reduce subluxation and improve the transmission of neural impulses to the body parts. Since subluxations are also the number one cause of pain, people experience pain relief along the way to the goal. I have been practicing Chiropractic for 18 years and have helped 1000's of people. Should I write letters to all those people and tell them that the postive changes in their x-rays and diagnostic tests weren't real? Should I tell them that the only reason they got better is because they were mindless zombies? Chiropractic is the safest, most effective and cost-effective treatment for low back pain. This was the headline in USA Today front page over a decade ago that revealed the results of the largest study ever comparing Chiropractic to medical care. We also have the lowest Malpractice rates of any health profession by far. We spend more hours in college as well. Do a google search on deaths due to prescription drugs or medical errors and see the plethora of human wreckage left behind. The mindless zombies are the ones that think a patented, toxic, synthetic chemical (Rx drug)is going to solve their health problems. That's all for now. PS: If an ignorant person is presented with common sense facts and continues think in the same manner, then that person is elevated to the status of stupid. How many of you graduated to the next level? My bet is that all of you did. Dr. H

At 1/5/07 8:45 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Are you Dr. Ho? Why are you so mad, Dr. Ho? You should put your electric thingy on your back and relax.

At 1/5/07 1:32 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I followed your advice and put the electric thingy on my back. The only thing I could find was a toaster. I put it on the bagel setting. I feel alot less angry and much more relaxed. You are a genius! You should write a book. Dr. H

At 2/5/07 12:28 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You look like Pee-Wee Herman. Those big horns compensate for your little wee-wee.

At 2/5/07 4:19 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

My little wee wee? Wait a minute - are you my old Catholic priest? Father Bill...? Is that you?

At 2/5/07 6:59 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Molested by a priest. That explains why you went to the dark side. I sure hope that priest wasn't scarred for life.

At 8/5/07 11:48 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Yeah, you would be concerned for the priest.

At 10/5/07 7:47 pm, Blogger Rick said...

To the anonymous chiropractor: Subluxation is a pseudo-scientific word made up for a non-existent problem. A test was done on a large group of chiros to determine how well they could separately spot subluxations in spinal xrays. It was a complete failure all around. they were pointing all over the place at healthy spines. Chiro is farce started by a green grocer.

At 11/5/07 2:53 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I want the name of the peer-reviewed scientific journal that study was published in.

At 11/5/07 2:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Medicare will only reimburse for Chiropractic care if a subluxation can be documented on x-ray or utilizing P.A.R.T. documentation guidelines. Do you think Medicare would pay for a non-existent condition? Get a clue buddy.


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