The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Answers in Where, Now? Museum, You Say?

So Ken Ham of Answers in Genesis has opened his fabulous new Creation Museum in Kentucky to a crowd of thousands. Great. Thump the tub, brothers. One review however (from the HuffPo link) said this:
Some exhibits show dinosaurs aboard Noah's Ark and assert that all animals were vegetarians until Adam committed the first sin in the Garden of Eden.
Yeah, dinosaurs with people and the other animals on Noah's Ark. Fuck me with a barbed-wire mitten. See, this is the problem in a goddamn coconut shell - Ken Ham and other creationists have a problem believing in a 4.5 billion year old planet with about 3.5 billion years of biological evolution going on and scientists all over the world from virtually every single discipline agreeing on the evidence, but he's cool with goats and monkeys chillin' with a velociraptor on the mezzanine level of the fuckin' Love Boat for forty days and nights.

The stupidity knows no bounds. You really should go check out the AiG page and read the "answers" they provide. It's the same sort of shit that I wrote about previously and it still makes less than no sense. A lot less. Think of asking a bowl of fruit salad how to do an algebra problem...then punch the salad and pour vodka all over it. That's about the level we're looking at.

Of course PZ has a great post on the reactions to this mind-numbing piece of shit that is well worth your time to peruse. You know, you should only pay attention to this crap if you don't have toenails to clip or a cat to bathe. It's so not worth your time to try to slog through the IKEA ball-pit of retard-helmets that make up the writing staff of AiG that the museum just may get condemned on the grounds of insanity.

There should be a HUGE fund-raising effort from the skeptic community to build a Flying Spaghetti Monster Museum. Oh, and it should be right next to Ham's Creation Museum so that if some religious nutbag sets fire to the Noodley One's lair, perhaps the sparks will float over and do some damage to Noah's boat. What irony - a boat that is famous for floating in the most intense rainstorm of the planet's history for over a month goes up in a ball of fire.

"Stop's not nice."

"No! Not the...irony..."

Sheer Shit

I am reminded of a line from one of my favorite comics, Patton Oswalt, who said, "I wonder what they won't do a reality show about? I wonder when a producer will say, 'Yeah, let's not bother filming that.'"

I wonder the same thing now that Bravo has a reality competition show about fucking hairdressing. Yeah, you read that correctly. Here I thought that the Food Network had the lamest reality show with Top Chef (and I love cooking), then I saw part of an episode of Beauty and the Geek and my head almost melted from the vapidity in front of me; but then I saw just the commercial for Shear Genius and my mouth gaped, my soul (or the reasonable hand-drawn facsimile thereof) withered, and my heart of hearts knew this was the winner. The winner of the shit-trophy that is the Worst Reality Show Ever.

Unless next season someone finds a way to make massage therapy into a fucking competitive show ("I can out-effleurage anyone in this motherfucker! You can put some lotion on that and rub it in, bitches!), this is it.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sexy Sixty-One!

The Skeptic's Circle has made a girly...some might say "chicky" turn and showed up over at Rebecca's Skepchick blog. Go check it out and enjoy the disappearances in puffs of logic.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Memoriam - Du'a Khalil Aswad

I'm not sure if that name will ring any bells with people yet, but it should. Ms. Aswad was only seventeen years old and was the victim of an honor killing caught on cell-phone video and reported on CNN (via TruthDig here) recently. She was apparently seen with a Sunni Muslim man and was thought to have either married him or converted from her Yazidi faith (which evidently doesn't like their folks hanging out with people not of the faith). She hadn't done either.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? When anyone says that religions are good and do nice things and offer hope and all that other horseshit, all you have to do is point to these dickless retards and say, "How 'bout that? What the fuck do you have to say about that, fuckface?"

Stoning and stomping a seventeen year old girl to death over being SEEN with a man! How fucking misogynistic and insecure can a group of fucking dudes be!? Yeah, religions are all about peace and love - suck my asshole. This sort of behavior from a fucked up sect that thinks goddamn lettuce is taboo. Every one of these motherfuckers should be custom fitted for a retard-helmet. Think about that when you read the "we're on a pedestal" view of their ancestry:
The tale of the Yazidis' origin found in the Black Book gives them a distinctive ancestry and expresses their feeling of difference from other races. Before the roles of the sexes were determined, Adam and Eve quarreled about which of them provided the creative element in the begetting of children. Each stored their seed in a jar which was then sealed. When Eve's was opened it was full of insects and other unpleasant creatures, but inside Adam's jar was a beautiful boy-child. This lovely child, known as son of Jar grew up to marry a houri and became the ancestor of the Yazidis. Therefore, the Yazidi are regarded as descending from Adam alone, while other humans are descendants of both Adam and Eve. ref. ibid
Yeah, even when they're just making shit up they're all "women are filled with bugs and shit and men are fabulous!" What a bunch of homos*. Women scare these pussies to death because they are insecure and need to violently control that which they fear - a smart, intelligent female population that will eventually tell them to get fucked when one of these jackasses says that their menstrual blood is evil and "unpure". Idiots.

When it's all said and done, this is a microcosm of religious "thinking" worldwide and what happens when that sort of mentality is allowed to propagate and become the norm. A bunch of fucking retard men beating a defenseless girl to death for absolutely no reason. And don't wear blue. And don't eat lettuce.

I weep for our future.

*I have nothing against homosexuality; that comment was a reflection of the Yazidi men's seeming affection for their own gender in writing their history, nothing else.

The Only Time I'll Be Called "Scientific"

You scored as Scientific Atheist, These guys rule. I'm not one of them myself, although I play one online. They know the rules of debate, the Laws of Thermodynamics, and can explain evolution in fifty words or less. More concerned with how things ARE than how they should be, these are the people who will bring us into the future.

Scientific Atheist


Spiritual Atheist




Militant Atheist


Apathetic Atheist


Angry Atheist




What kind of atheist are you?
created with

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Trading Osama for a Band-Aid

I'm not usually a political blogger but I was thinking the other day about how not-serious the U.S. government is about catching Osama bin Laden. I mean, think about it...if they were truly serious, all they'd have to do is completely pull out of Iraq and write a nicely worded letter to all the governments in the world - sort of a "letter to the editor". The letter would say something like this:
Dear world leaders and tribal elders: We, the United States, would like to capture and put on trial Osama bin Laden, the purported mastermind behind the attacks of September 11, 2001 and other horrible acts of terror around the world. We will, if you capture him and let us take him for a fair trial, set up a health care system in your country for your population. Seriously. We will fund a bitchin' health care system to keep your inhabitants supplied with medicine and vaccines and doctors for at least 20 years. How 'bout that?
I think that'd make it worthwhile and you'd see Osama shitting in his little genie suit while the farmers and mothers with sick kids start closing in to grab his six-foot diabetic ass and take it to the nearest soldier wearing desert camo.

Seems so simple. Maybe I'm a retard and don't understand the complexities of foreign policy.

P.S. - my computer is possessed by demons and I need a new monitor so I'm relegated to posting from work and the library, hence it'll be a bit light for the next few days.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Book Review - Never Shower in a Thunderstorm

Welcome to the first of many Heathen Book Reviews. I was sent a copy of Never Shower in a Thunderstorm: Surprising Facts and Misleading Myths About Our Health and the World We Live In by Anahad O'Connor and it was a very enjoyable read. Here's the formal review.

This book by New York Times columnist Anahad O'Connor made me think of two things that were twin fantasies for a long time. First is the old Hercules cartoon from my youth (think 1970's). Remember when Herc would be attacked by some huge monster and it would be smacking him and his little micro-mini toga all over Olympia? Of course it would throw him into the same rock wall as every other episode and Herc would suddenly remember that he had a ring in his belt that makes him invincible, right? (side note: why did he ever take the ring off?) So the monster charges Herc, screaming its horrible hiss, and Herc seems to pause time while he puts on the jewelery - lightening flashing and crashing - then it's game on, mofo, and Herc kicks the creature a new scream-hole.

It's the time-pausing aspect I'm interested in here. Imagine pausing time in a conversation.

Couple that with the newish TV commercial for the cellular phone company that has the subscriber constantly surrounded by his or her "network". Hundreds of people who follow you around at all times; imagine that concept only with hundreds of experts in various fields of science, literature and culture at your beck and call to check your facts and offer up opinions that are based on more than what the weirdos at the bait shop think.

That's what O'Connor's book is. It's like getting up in the morning and all through the day you get asked about urban legends and old wives' tales and silly pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. You though, today, have the ability to Herc-pause time so you can check with your network of experts. You can check your references, cite your sources, and generally have the "smugness of certainty" (as far as science can be certain). It's like Mythbusters, only without the explosions, beret, or unruly moustache.

O'Connor has compiled 221 pages of his NYT Really? column and come up with a nice little book in the same vein as Robert Wolke's What Einstein Told His Barber and Jay Ingram's The Velocity of Honey. It has an easy conversational style that makes you feel like you're having a few beers with David Suzuki or some other notable know-it-all. There are many studies cited and although there are no notes or references, you could certainly check for yourself if the need arose.

Do yourself a favor and pick up Never Shower in a Thunderstorm. It'll make you less likely to get a girlfriend, what with you spitting out random facts like some Tourette's Savant, but you'll know to buy a manual toothbrush with a clear head. And isn't that better in the long run? ...Don't answer that.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Hitchens Bitch-Slaps the Dead Falwell...And It's Soooo Good

Not to be a PZ chaser yet again, but I saw this clip over at his site and because I did the (undoubtedly) overly nice R.I.P on Falwell earlier, I thought I'd throw this up here because I just got my copy of God is not Great and because it is great how Hitchens just doesn't give a fuck about anyone. Love that quality in a person. Enjoy.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

R.I.P. - Jerry Falwell

I didn't like Jerry Falwell. I thought he was an ass and an overly religious fuckhead. That being said, I'm sure he has family and friends who will miss him and undoubtedly he did good things in his 73 years here. It is for those good things that I say rest in peace, sir.

This Is The Mentality I'm Dealing With....

Jesus christ. I did a post a while back where I called D.D. Palmer (founder of chiropractic) a "douchebag". Recently, I got one asshat rambling incoherently about "five-to-eight minute stomach lining replacement" and now I get this fucknut:
There is alot of under-educated speaking going on here, and it's pretty sad that some guy with horns glued onto his head (looks much like Satan) can rant about things to which he does not know. So you read a Chiropractic School's web page. Good for you. You don't have Dr. in front of your name, and you didn't take the time to learn the art of Chiropractic in it's entirety. It's too bad. God gave us the innate power to heal from within...why do your cuts heal and form a scab? That's it right there!

The spine encases the spinal cord. Each spinal nerve that exits through the spine goes to an organ or tissue in your body. That's why Chiropractic can help your body heal all of the parts of your body. The "life force" is your nervous system. You can live roughly 7 minutes without Oxygen before you die, and you probably wouldn't want to be awoken after that: You can live about .7 seconds without a nerve impulse. Nerve impulses are the "life force". Subluxation causes impingement on the nerve, thus creating a disturbance of those nerve impulses, in which they can not be recieved by the tissue.

Stop being so ignorant, and open your eyes!
Ok, point one: "alot" isn't a word, it's two words. "A lot". Please get it right. Two, the horns are not glued to my head. If you look closely, there's a little string thing that's holding them on.

Now to the retarded shit. No, I don't have "Dr." before my name, but if you do and you're still saying helmet-headed bullpucky like, "God gave us the innate power to heal from within...why do your cuts heal and form a scab?", then you're fucking hopeless and you should start making plans to avoid breeding right now. Are you fucking serious?! Why do your cuts heal? Scabs? Do you know anything about the body? Platelets forming a clot, white blood cells cleaning up the foreign material while fibrin weaves a scab along with plasma...any of this starting to ring a bell? I'm not seeing God anywhere...maybe because there is no God. Sorry to pop that fuckin' comfort balloon, but someone had to do it. Look up the rest, Doc, I'm not in the mood to do the homework that you obviously copied from the smart kids.

If the "life force" is your nervous system, why not just say "nervous system"? Leave out the mystical shit altogether. Then you say that the "life force" is "nerve impulses". Which is it? Get your shit together before picking an argument, please.

And you know what else? Fuck you - maybe I like looking like Satan.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Carlin Turns 70 - And There Was Much Rejoicing

So I learned (shamefully, from PZ over at Pharyngula) that this past Saturday was George Carlin's 70th birthday. I absolutely love George Carlin - I was even fortunate enough to see him perform in Halifax a few years back. Happy be-fuckin'-lated birthday to him and I hope he has many more...certainly at least three or four or fifteen more HBO specials.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

In Abortion News: Pope Still Against It and Still a Misogynist Asshole

Everyone should have a seat. The news I am about to report is shocking to such a degree that you may lose control of your legs and end up on the floor, shaking and moaning quietly to yourself.

Yes, it was reported in the Toronto Star that the fucking Pope, while in Brazil, has said that he is...*sigh*...against abortion. I know, take some deep breaths.

It seems that politicians in Mexico City voted to legalize abortions and as such are, as far as B..B..B..Benny in his Jet was concerned, scumbags who should be excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church. "Fuck 'em", was the official quote released by the Vatican*.

The Poop and his higher ups want, "the promotion of respect for life from the moment of conception until natural death as an integral requirement of human nature." You know, it's just about worthwhile to try and be allowed in the room as an observer during an abortion and hand an instrument to the doctor. That way I can say I've been a part of an abortion and as such could bypass all the letter-writing and convincing that goes into a run-of-the-mill excommunication. I'm all about saving time (do you get an official letter of excommunication? 'Cause I'd like that).

Incidentally, that phrase, "natural death", it's a little ambiguous as far as I'm concerned. Has the Poop had any life-saving surgeries? And what did the Vatican say about the Terri Schiavo fiasco? Oh, right, her death was hastened. I think you could change "hastened" to "allowed to happen naturally" and it would be infinitely more correct, those hypocricical douchebags. Why does anyone listen to what this group has to say?!

Abortions are like prostitutes in that they will always be available. They may not be legal, but they'll be there. The misogynistic attitude of the Catholic Church (and not only them) is readily apparent in their laws controlling womens bodies.

The logical (right..."church" and "logic" should be separated by at least six paragraphs at all times...sorry) thing to do is to legalize both abortions and prostitution and regulate them so they're safe and professional. The way Poop Benny and other religious asshats want it leads to fucking coat hangers and pimp slaps.

It's this mindset that will kill organized religion. Not anytime soon, but die it will - and on that day I shall smile...but it'll probably be after I'm dead.

*Not verified.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Skeptically Big Six-Oh

The greatest thing about every second Thursday is that the new Skeptic's Circle arrives. This week marks the sixtieth edition(!) and it's up and ready for your perusal over at Infophilia. Enjoy it over the weekend with your mom.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Quick Comment: Science vs. Faith

I just ordered my copy of Christopher Hitchens' new book, God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything and am quite looking forward to it. After the enjoyment I got out of his last religiously themed book (The Missionary Position) I think this one should be fantastic as well.

It got me thinking through the week about faith-based versus nature-based mindsets. The problems we have today with the extra-religious people trying to convince us of their veracity with respect to the origins of the Universe or humanity are quite deep and require something more than mocking and ridicule to understand or move beyond. I'm certainly more heavily guilty than most of those faults.

The thing is, when a friend does or says something stupid, what do we do? We mock and ridicule. It's in a friendly way, or course, but we don't let it slide. When a friend of ours came to our guys-afternoon/night to join our poker game (with the obligatory porno playing in the background), he was casually watching the girl/girl action for about five minutes and then questioned to the room of fellas, "Hey, are we gonna see any dick in this movie or what?"

If you could imagine for a second the comical "screeching-to-a-halt car tires" noise, then dead silence while all of us stared at him, it would be fairly accurate. Then a buddy of ours said, stone-faced, "Did you want to see some dick?" Well our friend turned seven shades of red and hastily made an excuse to leave the party. We still tease him about it now and it's been damn near six years.

We tease because it's how we deal; it's the nicer way to go about handling touchy issues that otherwise might escalate into unwanted territory. The thing about faith and reason is that there seem to me to be two main differences that makes them incompatible:
1. Faithful folks will believe anything as long as the story is good enough. No evidence is required. This is dangerous because smooth-talking replaces working to figure a problem out. "Experts" aren't learned, they just know how to market an idea. Issues arise when reason-people recognise the sales pitch and call the person out with a well-placed barb or comment. People don't like being called out and when faith-people make statements like "The Bible is the inerrant word of God!", and are then asked, "Well then, is it ok to covet? Because 1 Corinthians 12:31 says, 'Covet earnestly the best gifts', but Exodus 20:17 says, 'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.' So which is it?", they get a little testy. By the way, does that last bible verse also mean that a man's wife is his property, equal to his oxen? That's just not cricket....

2. Faith-based mindsets value head-in-the-sand, blind adherence over questions. The worst thing a person of faith can do is to start asking questions. Science and nature-based individuals realize that there is nothing more precious and important than the faculty of inquiry and that brings me to one of the most egregious misuses of logic that faith-people repeatedly foist on their flocks. Preachers and the faithful will often be heard to say, "See, science doesn't have all the answers!" in response to some problem that the scientific method has yet to unravel. The thing is, as most people reading this will be well aquainted with, science never claims to have all the answers. That plus the leaders of the religious movements or organizations often have such a bad grasp on the science that they present it incorrectly (or they knowingly misrepresent the scientific argument, like the creationists I recently saw).

Science is by its very nature tentative. Faith is absolute and unchangeable. Yet the faithful put out this very humble and head-bowed appearance, all the while having no tolerance for forward movement whatsoever. They say that science is hard and unfeeling, yet at the same time say it's uncertain and full of doubt. Say what you like, but I enjoy the constant message of the science world - We don't know everything, probably won't ever know everything, but everything we say can be backed up by at least a little bit of concrete, easy to see evidence.

Me likey the evidence.

P.S. Thanks to everyone who commented and wished well on the tiny Heathen. She's doing fantastic. Who says atheists can't find meaning in life? ;)

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Baby Blog Break

TinyGirlHeathen (TGH) was born on Sunday, April 29th at 4:34pm. Due to her arrival, posting will be slow to non-existant for a week or so.