The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Monday, June 04, 2007

...You Might Be A Dumbass

I tried to watch a show last night that I've heard about from a lot of my clients. The show is called Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?, and I was unable to tolerate it for 22 minutes. It was painful.

There was a contestant who arrived with typical enthusiasm and took her position at the desk beside host Jeff Foxworthy. She said that she was going for the million dollars and didn't want to stop before that - good for her. The first question was: "What was the name of the ship the pilgrims arrived at Plymouth Rock on in 1620?"

She hummed and hawed for quite some time over this question prompting Foxworthy to quip that in the time she took to answer, the pilgrims could have had Thanksgiving dinner and cleaned up. I'm Canadian and knew it right away - I'd think this was common knowledge. She did eventually get the correct answer.

Next was the back-breaker: "What is the closest star to the Earth?"

She took quite some time again, thinking out loud. I can see if you perhaps fell into the trick question trap that this question poses and overlooked the Sun, but no no...she betrayed her ignorance by saying out loud, "The closest star to the Earth...is the Sun a star?...It's not a planet...." She was officially a semi-handicapped glue eater in my mind. And she was going to win money. A lot of money. She guessed "the Sun" and got it right.

Lastly, and the one that made my brain stick an "on strike" banner out my left ear, was this question: "How many sides does a trapezoid have?"

She said, "I don't have any idea what that is." This was a fourth grade math question and she has a fucking kid, IN THE FOURTH GRADE! I hope that little bastard doesn't need help with his homework anytime soon, 'cause all the boosting of marks that fella can expect has already passed by several years.

She used one of her "cheats" and went with the answer of her little helper kid who knew the answer. Once Foxworthy said that a trapezoid has four sides, she said, "I thought a square had four sides..."

My brain then ran out of my head, down my neck, and went outside to die in the sun, leaving me on the sofa twitching and drooling, staring into space. Just now am I feeling better - thank you for asking. I shall not be watching that show again.

If you aren't smarter than a fifth grader, you might be a redneck...and making WAY more money than you deserve.

8 Barbaric Yawps:

At 4/6/07 10:32 pm, Blogger StefRobrts said...

We were watching the Ellen show the other day when she had on the kids from this show. When she asked them what subjects the adults had trouble with the girl said 'Math and Science. It's really sad to think that's what we have to look forward to.' Oh man, from the mouths of babes...

 
At 5/6/07 1:34 am, Blogger Atheist in a mini van. said...

That show drives me nuts!! I, like you, have tried watching it, but I can only handle about a half-hour before I give up.

 
At 5/6/07 8:49 am, Blogger King Aardvark said...

I've never tried watching it and I'm glad. It seems that the people who enjoy this show are the ones who can remember up to grade 5/6 ie the ones who can answer all the questions but just barely. The ones who only remember up to grade 4 are probably discouraged and the rest of us have the same response as you.

 
At 5/6/07 10:56 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you seen "Jaywalking" on the Tonight Show? The people are too stupid to realize they are stupid so they just smile cheerfully while failing to answer correctly even the simplest questions. Honestly, if the power went out, I doubt most of us would be smart enough to survive beyond a couple of weeks.

 
At 5/6/07 1:04 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Yeah, I have seen Jaywalking and it's just as bad, if not worse. It's painful to watch and the only thing to do is laugh because the alternative is to cry yourself into a fucking coma at the stupidity of most people.

I take it from your comment that you've heard Joe Rogan's new CD, Shiny Happy Jihad? I'm going to do a review of it soon on here because it's hilarious. I love to see shared good taste in comedy!

 
At 5/6/07 2:30 pm, Blogger King Aardvark said...

"Honestly, if the power went out, I doubt most of us would be smart enough to survive beyond a couple of weeks."

If I've learned anything from watching Survivorman, it's that your best bet is to pick up a large stick and whack some poor defenseless little critter over the head.

 
At 5/6/07 4:49 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

PeTA = People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. There' room enough for all of god's creatures...right next to the mashed potatos.

Let's see if there's any other t-shirts and/or slogans I can rip off for this....

 
At 6/6/07 12:31 am, Blogger smellincoffee said...

I watched it once and one woman didn't know that Australia was both a continent and a country. That is incredible ignorance.

 

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