The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Truth Is Out There - Skeptic's Circle # 70

Oh yeah, that's right. Bigfoot says to go to Conspiracy Factory and read the new posts about...well, about skepticism and such. I'm sure there'll be aliens and maybe, if we're lucky, a glimpse of Nessie.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Matt Hughes and the Damn Bible

I watched The Ultimate Fighter 6 tonight which saw the second episode even up the victories at one-a-piece for Matt Serra's team and Matt Hughes' team. That was a bit of a sideline for me because there was this interesting section of a "training" session with Hughes' team where he asked them to read the damn bible. Specifically the book of Esther. He then asked the fighters to tell him who in that story he'd (Hughes) be.

Now the ranks of MMA fighters in the UFC are full of smart dudes: former middleweight champ Rich Franklin holds a master’s degree in Education and a bachelor’s degree in Mathematics from the University of Cincinnati; heavyweight fighter Jeff Monson has a Master's Degree in psychology; welterweight fighter (and fellow Canadian) Carlos Newton studied linguistics and is pursuing a medical degree; and former light heavyweight champ Chuck Liddell has a degree in accounting to name but a few (this info comes from this great article that smacks down a bitchy boxing writer who is painfully ignorant of MMA and gets all uppity).

That being said, I had a hard time figuring out why Hughes would get his fighters to read the stupid bible. He's a weirdo Christian, for sure, but that was over the top in my opinion. And Esther? Seriously? Chapter one of that book is the "man rules the house and if you don't like it, you get the hell out" part of the Christian dogma. Nice, eh? Yeah, yeah, it's the bad King that says it, but if everyone else can quote out-of-context, then so can I.

Esther has at least thirteen men hanged (two, plus Haman and his 10 sons) in that book. Not to mention that the Jews in this story kill 75,300 people. It's a feel-good family tale, particularly the part where Esther wins a sex contest with the King to take Queen Vashti's place (chap. 2:8-9, 12-17). Awesome role models for little girls.

I found it amusing that when Serra found out about the little "bible study", he said that Hughes was trying to "turn them all into Christians" and asked his fellas if there were any Jewish guys who'd be offended. One fighter spoke up and said that, "As an atheist, (he'd) be offended". Good on him. I also liked that Mac Danzig, a fighter on Hughes' team, opted not to read and instead took a nap. He rightly said that he was there to train and fight, not "connect with himself spiritually". He seems like a good guy.

I guess if you want to use the damn bible to justify violence (or at least controlled violence and fighting like the UFC has), you could certainly use the "good book" to do so. You could use the Koran as well. I know that Muslims like to say that Islam is a religion of peace, but that's like saying Friday the 13th is a love story because some teenagers have sex.

Anyway, my meandering and somewhat ill-thought-out point is that Matt Hughes had no reason to make his fighters read the stupid bible other than to force his stupid religion on a captive audience...stupidly. I really really really hope he loses to Matt Serra when they fight.

Naomi Klein & John Cusack Interview

If you'd like to understand some of the fundamental ideologies of the Bush administration with respect to policy change (read: profit-maximizing, private corporation benefiting policy implementation), check out this great interview of Naomi Klein by John Cusack on her new book, The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism. It's a book that I'm excited to put on my reading list.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Jenny McCarthy and Oprah - Partners in Suck

I was going to go off on both McCarthy and Oprah for being, once again, completely irresponsible towards the people they influence (for no reason at all). I was going to freak about McCarthy's self-importance and fear mongering with respect to vaccines. There was so much I wanted to say....

Then I read Autism Diva's entry on the topic and realized that there was nothing I could contribute that would be better or more educational than what was already written. Check out this quote:
Maybe now some kids will die of vaccine preventable diseases because they trusted the vomit eating side-show girl with the high-school diploma to give them medical advice.
That's classic, right there. Go check it out - you won't be sorry.

Monday, September 24, 2007

God Quoted: "Titties and AK-47s...Not Such a Good Mix"

The U.S. military is getting in a bit of a kufuffle regarding the sale of Playboy on its bases. Who is causing the ruckus, Mike? I'm happy you asked, friend - it's the religious, conservative, we-know-best, fun-quashing, masturbatory police. As we all know, there's precious little more important to bitch about than what the enlisted folk risking their lives overseas do with their genitals during down-time.

To any christians or religious fundies reading this, I have a solution. Seriously, just do what I suggest and everything will be OK. Ready? Here's the answer:


It's your most potent weapon, according to you. Just ask your Big Man Upstairs (BMU) to handle the situation, keep Playboy off the bases - hell, eliminate Playboy and Penthouse from the face of the Earth - and away from your sons and husbands (and hot hot lesbian/bisexual daughters). Just pray. If all of you stick to your guns (ba dum dum...aah thank you) and pray every day, all day, your BMU should get the message and use his/her/its powers of persuasion and miracles to rid the military of that nasty human female form.

Check out this comment on the piece:
As a mother of a newly enlisted Marine, I am not too pleased to hear about this decision. I've been monitoring computers for quite some time now. Why is pornography in any shape or form necessary any where? I feel they should have other issues on their minds than this.
Perhaps they could read their bibles instead and read and reread about Sodom and Gomorrah, exactly what this world is becoming.
That's right fellas (and I assume, a few ladies of "questionable morality"), when you're in the mood to toss off a few knuckle children, just grab the damn bible and start ta' readin'. Maybe start with that lovely story about a great "just" man, Lot, who gave his daughters up to be sexually abused by a mob rather than his angelic "house-guests" (Gen. 19:8). Read of Lot's wife who got turned into pillar of salt just for looking over her shoulder (Gen. 19:26) - so you better obey the goddamn BMU, or your pee-pee might just turn into a friggin' hedgehog. Learn about the daughters of Lot who, upon escaping and hiding in a cave, got their dad drunk and fucked him silly (Gen 19:30-38). Don't you know that those are the role-models you should be trying to be like?!

I wonder if there are any incest magazines that would want military base distribution? No matter...just remember, all you should ever do it pray. Ask your BMU for what you want and if he/she/it grants your wish, then power to you. If not, then let's just assume that he/she/it is perfectly OK with what's happening and all you righteous Flanders-Folk leave us heathens the hell alone with our titty mags, K? K.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Ding! Ding! Ding! Olbermann with the KO!

Jeez, how much do I love Keith Olbermann?

A lot, that's how much.

Skeptico Knows CAM

Time and time again, Skeptico hits the nail right on the flattened head, and he's done it again with a great post exposing complementary and alternative medicine for the fraud it is. Go check it out with your bad self.

UFC 76 - Don't Follow Me to Vegas

So I just watched the fights and I suck. I did call the Sanchez/Fitch bout, but I thought Fitch would stop Diego. A decision is still a win though.

Who would have thunk that Forrest Griffin would choke out Shogun? Good on him, however. He made a great showing of himself and proved that he's in the top echelons of the 205 division.

And holy shit on a stick, who called Keith Jardine to win a decision over Iceman? Jesus christ on a crutch, that was crazy. When Jardine started landing that right kick to the body and leg, and Chuck's side started turning red and shit, I was amazed. Then Jardine dropped Liddell with that right hook and I nearly shit my pants. In the same vein as the Griffin fight, good on him. Prove me wrong and step up to the plate with a set of bollocks and do your damn job, son.

Not a lot of stoppages (in fact, I think the Griffin fight was the only one all night), but a decent card nonetheless. I had fun with the nachos and beers, which is all that really matters. I hope you did too.

Saturday, September 22, 2007


This is the coolest chalk-art drawing I think I've ever seen. There's more where that came from right here.
Batman - Coolest Chalk Drawing Ever

Friday, September 21, 2007

UFC 76 Tomorrow Night

I have to say I'm excited for tomorrow night's fights. I think the top three billed dust-ups should be good for some punching, kicking, and technical grappling. Here's my picks for the three headliner bouts:

Diego Sanchez vs. Jon Fitch: Diego is a strong kid, no doubt. He's a weirdo and I'm not particularly fond of him, but I'll never say the boy can't scrap. He's coming off his first octagon loss (to the just-beat-by-GSP Josh Koscheck), first lackluster performance (due to the now-known staph infection), and he should be fueled to kick some ass.

Here's the problem - Fitch is a goddamn stud. The guy has a badass record. He's 6-0 in the UFC and 19-2-1 overall. If anyone has the mad skillz (if I may) to take Sanchez out, it's this guy. Dana White said that this has the potential to be the fight of the year, but I think someone's going to end it, and that person is likely going to be Jon Fitch, probably by submission in the second or third round.

Mauricio "Shogun" Rua vs. Forrest Griffin: Forrest seems like a decent enough guy. The interviews he gives are funny, although sometimes forcedly so, and he sounds like a dude with whom you could have a beer and a laugh.

The thing is that he's just not a technical fighter. He's a brawler and that's been shown in fight after fight, to the point where he got knocked the hell out by Keith Jardine. Rua is a very dangerous fighter either standing or grappling and that's Forrest's undoing - Rua will likely stop Forrest in the second round.

Chuck Liddell vs. Keith Jardine: This has the markings of a great stand-up fight. In a perfect world, I'd like to see Chuck come out, take Jardine to the mat and ground-n-pound him out - but that's not Iceman's game. He has always said that there's no secrets with him, you know his gameplan from the get-go and that's not likely going to change with this fight.

These two will stand in front of each other and swing for the fences, but Chuck's bat is bigger (forgive the phallic undertones there). Jardine has not faced anyone of Liddell's calibre and as such, he'll more than likely suffer his second consecutive first round KO.

"God" Answers Charges

So "God" apparently replied to a law suit filed by Sen. Ernie Chambers via otherworldly circumstances.

That's code, by the way, for "someone snuck it into the office".

If I was Sen. Chambers, I'd now say that the document (purportedly from "God" and has "Michael the Archangel" as a witness) constitutes reasonable proof that someone or something is assuming the role of the defendant, therefore a subponea is in order to make that entity appear. Failure to show him/her/itself would garner a fine and an admission of guilt (I'm not a lawyer, I'm just making up the consequences as I go along).

"God" supposedly said, "I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," in an attempt to explain away his/her/its responsibility for the horrors and tragedies caused by religious folks.

Well, here's an observation to ponder: If "God" can make an appearance via a court document to defend him/her/itself against frivolous charges in a silly point-making lawsuit, why doesn't he/her/it write a clear document to all the world's religious people telling them to not kill each other in his/her/its name? You know, clear up all that nonsense.

Just a thought.

(thanks Adam)

Thursday, September 20, 2007


So I started this blog in early December 2005 and in the almost two years I've been writing I've touched on a lot of topics. Recently my hit counter topped 100,000 (and I realize that's a pretty small number compared to the big bloggers, but I'm a *very* small fish) and I wanted to take a second to thank everyone who stops in to read my stuff. Whether you like it or not, are offended or not, laugh or not - I'm just happy that you took time out of your day to read.

Have a good one.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Jimmy Neutron is Tri-Layed

Well how cool is science? Apparently neutrons are not so much "neutral" as they are a balance of charges thought of more accurately in terms of density.

I don't know what that means, exactly, but it's damn interesting. Check out the article. It seems that I have some reading to do over the next little while.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Sherri Shepherd is a Retard

Most of you would, at this point, be asking "Who the hell is Sherri Shepherd?" Those of you posing that particular question are now 12 times cooler in my books.

She is the new hostess of The View and in this unbelieveable clip she says that she has never thought about whether or not the fucking Earth is flat or round and doesn't know the answer. She might look it up if/when her son asks her. This was stated after she flatly said that she, "...didn't believe in evolution, period," thus outing her as a complete and total box of carrot peelings with respect to intelligence.

How the fuck do people like this get on television to give their opinions on anything? How are people like this allowed to vote? She must have someone come to her house and dress her every morning - I mean, you can't be that out of touch with reality and still be socially functional.

She doesn't believe in evolution. I'd like her to explain what she thinks evolution actually is first; that'd be worth a chuckle. Fuck me...I bet there's a picture of her brain on a goddamn milk carton somewhere. Oh, and just to show what sort of mentality we're dealing with, here's a paragraph from her site that's completely contratictory
Your Prayers Worked!!!

I just want to give a heartfelt thank you to all of my fans who tirelessly emailed and wrote Barbara Walters, Bill Geddie and the ABC executives on my behalf. To think that you all took time out of your busy lives, leaves me speechless.

To those of you who prayed... let me tell you ... PRAYERS WORK! Because it is a miracle of God that I am now a co-host on The View.
Yeah, it was God. Not the 7000 emails and calls from your fans. God did it. And God made zebras, too. And artichokes and llamas and jellybeans. It's all God.

Holy testicle pete, religious people get on my nerves.

(ed. update: Thanks to PZ for the link love)
(ed.update #2: Yes, thanks also to Phil. He is far from chopped liver...more of a delicious steak. With mushrooms. Perhaps even a nice chianti *insert creepy Hannibal Lecter sucky noise*)

Monday, September 17, 2007

A Poll, If You Would

Oh You Heathenous Atheists!
What's the most annoying thing that you get asked/told as an atheist/agnostic/non-believer?
What's it like to not believe in anything?
Your life must feel so meaningless.
Why do you hate God?
You believe, you just don't know it yet.

If you chose "other", please leave a comment as to what your most common/annoying received saying is. Inquiring minds and all that. Thanks!

Hat tip to Paul for the link. Thanks, buddy!

Ain't Evolution Grand?

I took the day off work today and went to the Toronto Zoo with Mrs. Heathen and TinyGirlHeathen. It was tons of fun and, as usual, I got to learn a lot about different animals and - also as usual - got another level of appreciation for how evolution works and how interesting it can be.

Take, for example, the Jumbo Gourami. This is a fish that has adapted a "labyrinth organ" which allows it to extract more than normal oxygen from low-oxygen water or, in the case of emergency, even crawl across the land and breathe air. How cool is that? I think it's pretty damn cool.

Or hippos, for chrissake. Their noses and ears close up upon contact with water and when they're chillin' in the sun, their skin excretes what is essentially a sun-block/antibiotic. And naked mole rats have no sweat glands or fat layers making them the poorest thermoregulators of all mammals, so they live underground in colonies like ants or bees and survive that way. It really is too awesome.

There is so much to learn about the creatures around us, so much wonder - and yet some people persist in believing that there is something out there that we can never prove that is the best thing ever. Why make up stories when the reality is so fantastic that you can't even imagine it? It boggles the mind.

Well, PZ might be able to imagine it. Especially the labyrinth organ.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

How Many Retards on the Head of a Pin?

I'm sure there are smart Hollywood types. They've gotta be out there somewhere. Just by the number of people acting in movies there's probably a couple hundred smartish folks who don't believe in ridiculous horse-shit...and they're probably really pissed at Madonna.

See, Madonna says that she's an "ambassador for Judaism". She said that to Israeli Prime Minister Shimon Peres. How'd she get to meet with the Israeli PM, Mike? Well, that's a fabulous question to which I have no answer. Maybe he thought her tits were actually that pointy and needed to see for himself. I can see that conversation now:
Aide: So Madonna wants to meet you.
Peres: Really?
Aide: Yep. She's in the country with some other Hollywood types for a Kabbalah conference and thought she'd ask for an audience with you.
Peres: Are her tits actually pointy like in that video? 'Cause I'd be curious to see those.
Aide: Not sure, but I can get her here so you can check 'em out if you like.
Peres: Good. Make it happen.
That would be killer.

She gave Peres a copy of the Book of Splendor, which sounds like a cookbook for foods with sugar substitute. She said, "You don't know how popular the Book of Splendor is among Hollywood actors,...Everyone I meet talks to me only about that. I am an ambassador for Judaism." Now, to be fair, Madonna hangs with a crew of dumbasses so of course they think some fucked up book is going to be the shit - plus, *Madonna* said it was awesome, so it must be!

When are people going to learn that just because someone is popular or talented in some area, it doesn't mean they have any answers to questions or philosophical problems that have nothing to do with their field. I mean, Madonna sang about virgins and material wealth and strippers and stuff; she has no say in world politics. How the fuck does she get to meet the Prime Minister of anywhere?! She should be thankful if she gets to chat with the fucking Burger King.

And look at who they name as the other Hollywood stars attending the Kabbalah conference - Demi Moore, of course, with Ashton in tow. These two are fucked in the head from the word go. Kutcher made a film and refused to take off the retarded red string from his wrist, forcing the editors to digitally remove it in post-production, costing the filmmakers an extra hundred grand (if my memory serves me correctly). That's fucking top-shelf handicapped. He said to a group he was speaking to that, "Kabbalah had answered fundamental questions in his life and made him a better actor." I figured that he was on the right track, because when I watched Dude, Where's My Car?, I thought, there's a kid who knows acting and has his life together. This movie was in no way a waste of my time or money.

Oh, and don't forget Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah, the poster child for fucked-up-edness who used to break her own hands for attention - that's the person from whom you want to take life-cues.

I really can't believe that (a) people listen to anything Madonna says or (b)that she gets to meet actual important people. She should be signing autographs to pre-pubes in a fucking strip mall now, not promoting some pseudo-scientific bullshit to her tweenie fans. She needs to grow up and everyone else involved in Kabbalah or whatever the hell other stupid celebrity-religious fad-of-the-week needs to fucking get a life.

I need to go to bed. Thanks for listening

Friday, September 14, 2007

Your Friday Punch in the Face

So if you'd like to slap the shit out of someone, (virtually, of course) click here and do your worst.

Enjoy the weekend, punchy.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Shocking, I Know

Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Electricity

You're highly reactive, energetic, and super charged.

If the occasion calls for it, you can go from 0 to 60 in a split second.

But you don't harness your energy unless you truly need to.

And because of this, people are often surprised by what you are capable of.

Why you would be a good superhero: You have the stamina to fight enemies for days

Your biggest problem as a superhero: As with your normal life, people would continue to underestimate you

*hat tip to the King.

Skeptic's Circle #(tee hee) 69

What am I, four? Geez. Go check out the latest Skeptic's Circle over at Unscrewing the Inscrutable and have yourself a fab day. Seriously. Fab.

Kathy Griffen = Good: John Tory = Bad

Kathy Griffin:

Because it was cool and everyone else is commenting on it, I have to say that Kathy Griffin at the Emmy's was great. "Suck it, Jesus." Come on, I don't care who you are, that's funny.

Ok, if you're Bill Donahue, maybe it wasn't funny. But just to present the other side of the argument, Donahue is a tremendous douche who doesn't think anything is funny if it's making fun of, satirizing, or insulting his particular religion. He actually called her comments a, "vulgar, in-your-face brand of hate speech."

Well, no, Bill. Saying something like, "Catholics are shitty people who are all deluded and smell bad and we should put them on an island where they can interbreed and stink up the place" - that's hate speech, Bill. Insulting an imaginary man, not so much. I mean, if she had said, "No one had less to do with me winning this award than Snuffalupagus...Suck it, Snuffy!", no one would have batted a fucking eye. Once again, we have a situation where something is only taboo because so many people are convinced that the imaginary is real.

I watched My Life on the D-List a couple of times and enjoyed it. Not necessarily because Griffin is overly funny, it's just that it's interesting to see how a somewhat famous person goes about earning a living. I will add my voice to hers and say, loudly and in Bill Donahue's face - Suck it, Jesus.

John Tory:

I'm going to start a Jedi school.

See, it's not clear where his money for everybody idea stops with the faith-based schools thing. He seems to think that all of them deserve public (meaning tax-payer) money. It's all about, "...respecting unique aspects of their faith and culture," whatever the hell that means, and as if people can't do that without paying for it.

And what if I don't respect their faith? I mean, I respect the people, but I far from respect the idea that there's an invisible man in the sky. There is no respect in me for the idea that some dude in the Vatican has a hotline to the creator of the universe, and a tailor with a sense of humour. Does "no respect" equal "none of my money"?

The idea of separate schools for each faith does so much to further the stupid idea that faith actually means anything. There's no such thing as Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish, or atheist children; these are philosophical ideas held by the parents and to socially segregate kids based on these meaningless and artificial lines is irresponsible at best.

It graphically illustrates the worst aspects of religions - introducing irrational ideas to mentally break friendships (or keep them from forming in the first place) and sow the seeds of difference instead of just letting kids be kids. Children don't give a shit who they play with or what color their skin is, they only care who can make the best sandcastle.

Governments must be secular (btw: "secular" means "non-religious", not "anti- religious...there's a difference) to be fair. How many people of faith would give their tax dollars to a school that actively promotes the idea of atheism? I suspect they'd lose their mofo minds as soon as they found out and would likely say that teaching children that there's, "no God, Heaven, Hell, eternal soul," was akin to child abuse and robbing them of the joys of life.

They'd be wrong, of course.

I opened this piece by saying I'd like to start a Jedi school, not entirely in jest. I am keen to know how far Mr. Tory's silly-putty hand reaches to dump money on a deserving lap. Funding all faith-based schools means all of them, not just the biggies. Is the PC party truly committed to this idea?

The Conservatives and particularly John Tory seem to be looking backwards, walking backwards, and cinching the political noose around their necks. This is a deal-breaker issue for me as a voter: I can't support a candidate who doesn't have basic critical thinking skills and Tory has shown recently that his ideas are not worthy of any respect whatsoever.

Anyone going to sign up for Using the Force: 101?

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Apparently, I'm Logical

You Are Incredibly Logical

Move over Spock - you're the new master of logic

You think rationally, clearly, and quickly.

A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer!

Hat tip to the always great Sandwalk

Mr. Harper, Tear Off Those Veils

How the fuck is it not painfully obvious that when you go to vote, you have to show your face? This is an instance where I agree with our PM and think that the new Elections Canada ruling allowing Muslim women to keep their faces covered with a burkha or niquab while voting is stupidity visualized. Harper said:
We just adopted this past sitting in the spring, Bill C-31, a law designed to have the visual identification of voters. It's the purpose of the law … and I think this decision goes in an entirely different direction
This is one of those situations where there is a sliding scale. See, you're first of all a human, then you're a member of your country's population, then province/state/territory, then religion, then community. I realize that for a lot of people out there that religion comes higher than just about everything, if not even their humanity. Well I'm here to tell those people that they are fucked in the head and need to re-examine their loyalties. The country that has given you the freedom to practice your retarded fear-mongering sky-daddy religion is the one whose laws you must obey second only to your duty to the rest of humanity, nay the lives (human or not) the world over.

You show your face when you vote to ensure that you get only one vote. No, we don't trust you. And it's not that it's you, it's that general rules and regulations that apply to everyone are the way to ensure a fair and untampered-with election. So, you show your ID and you show your face. Get the fuck used to it and welcome to Canada.

I can hear it now: They won't let our women wear the traditional Muslim dress! This is discrimination! So, if I walk in and try to vote wearing a balaclava and the officials don't let me, can I say my religion is one where I must look like a ninja at all times? Who cares if my religion consists only of me? All religions started out with just one (or perhaps a handful of folks), and mine is gaining momentum, dammit.

That last paragraph illustrates one of the fundamental arguments against religion: They're crazy, and the only reason we think they are "sacred" or "special" is because a lot of people are involved in the delusion. That's it. One person walking down the street talking to a man in the sky is a fucking crazy person (or as my policeman friend calls them, "mumblies"); a thousand people walking together down a street and talking to a man in the sky is a fucking prayer meeting. A million people heaping love on a senile old man in a weird hat, all talking to a man in the sky is World Youth Day. I weep for our youth.

So no, Muslim women don't get to cover their faces when they vote. And no, it's not discrimination so don't even start that bullshit. When you have a say in who gets elected in Canada you must be part of Canadian society and that means having your face be seen by someone other than your husband. If you disagree with this, go try to vote in Saudi Arabia - Oh, right, the only elections they had were local, held in 2005, and only men could vote.

You Muslims and your sacred misogyny. It's so quaint.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Your Friday Punch in the Face

I don't condone violence. I enjoy it immensely when consenting folks beat the crap out of each other, a la the Ultimate Fighting Championship (free on Spike TV tomorrow night at 9pm EST), but when a person gets randomly smoked, it's not fun. And as much as I can't stand religion or the charlatans who foist it on the masses, I certainly don't think that this is the way to deal with them.

That being said, it's Friday and this was the best PitF I could find on short notice. Enjoy.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Whoopie's Culture Needs Revision

Ahhh, it's been a while, my friends. I've been busy and unmotivated and enjoying a break from blogging which may continue or may not, depending on how I feel, but I had to drop a quick note on a short article I saw today.

Most anyone who doesn't live in a cave on Venus knows who Michael Vick is and for what he's going to (likely) go to jail. Well, most anyone who has a brain realizes that dog fighting (or just plain old, garden variety dog murder) is a cruel and heartless thing to do and those who engage in such activities are no better than those college shitheads who occasionally torture and throw out fifth-story windows a kitten or some such other small animal. For these people I have no concern and a fitting punishment (in my opinion) I shall describe below.

Most people also know Whoopie Goldberg. She's a funny woman, an actress, and an activist for the homeless via her longtime charity, Comic Relief. She's also fitting right in at her new job on The View as the one who spouts uninformed opinions to her generally uninformed cohorts. Now, I can't stand that show because the "arguments" are normally surface-level, fatuous, and non-thought-out and to listen just makes me want to slit my eardrums with a fucking chopstick (no offense, ladies, but The View is painful to attempt to sit through).

So, in that vein, I give you Whoopie's comments on Michael Vick's dogfighting conviction:
He's from the South, from the Deep South ... This is part of his cultural upbringing...For a lot of people, dogs are sport...Instead of just saying (Vick) is a beast and he's a monster, this is a kid who comes from a culture where this is not questioned.
Great. Don't we hear this argument from proponents of female genital mutilation? "Well, they come from a place where this is part of their cultural upbringing - pass me the broken Coke bottle, would you please?"

You know, there are some things that I just thing are universal: You don't kill animals for fun. You don't cut up the genitals of children because you belong to a goddamn cult. If you thing the aforementioned two things are "ok" within certain "cultural" settings, you keep your fucking mouth shut because you should know you're going to sound like a retard to the general public. Obviously, what I believed was "universal" is not.

To her credit, Joy Behar jumped on Whoopie right off the bat and essentially told her that she was crazy. For that show, Behar is the shining light and the only one who seems to have a clue about the actual goings on outside of her cranium. For the rest, it was another sad day of intellectual pain and anguish thrown like chum on the already gut-soaked audience of that pitiful show.

And now, it's breakfast time!

Monday, September 03, 2007

Stages of the 'Stache - Frightening for the Kids

Went to a moustache party over the weekend. All the fellas grew horrible moustaches and trimmed them to varying degrees of disgust over the days. What follows below is a chronology of the goings-on on my face. Watch it if you dare.

The Dirty Pork-Chop Handlebar.
Dirty Handlebar
The Classic Handlebar - Looking shockingly like one of the Trailer Park Boys (little joke for the Canadians in the house).
Full Handlebar
The full '70s porn 'stache. Enjoy it. Revel in it.
The Full '70s Porn Stache
The Frenchie - horrendous, to be sure.
The Frenchie
And finally, cleanly shorn once again.
I don't recommend this to anyone under the age of 18 as it can get stressful and there's no possible way to win an argument. At all. Ever. That said, enjoy back to school, y'all.