The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Monday, September 24, 2007

God Quoted: "Titties and AK-47s...Not Such a Good Mix"

The U.S. military is getting in a bit of a kufuffle regarding the sale of Playboy on its bases. Who is causing the ruckus, Mike? I'm happy you asked, friend - it's the religious, conservative, we-know-best, fun-quashing, masturbatory police. As we all know, there's precious little more important to bitch about than what the enlisted folk risking their lives overseas do with their genitals during down-time.

To any christians or religious fundies reading this, I have a solution. Seriously, just do what I suggest and everything will be OK. Ready? Here's the answer:

Pray.

It's your most potent weapon, according to you. Just ask your Big Man Upstairs (BMU) to handle the situation, keep Playboy off the bases - hell, eliminate Playboy and Penthouse from the face of the Earth - and away from your sons and husbands (and hot hot lesbian/bisexual daughters). Just pray. If all of you stick to your guns (ba dum dum...aah thank you) and pray every day, all day, your BMU should get the message and use his/her/its powers of persuasion and miracles to rid the military of that nasty human female form.

Check out this comment on the piece:
As a mother of a newly enlisted Marine, I am not too pleased to hear about this decision. I've been monitoring computers for quite some time now. Why is pornography in any shape or form necessary any where? I feel they should have other issues on their minds than this.
Perhaps they could read their bibles instead and read and reread about Sodom and Gomorrah, exactly what this world is becoming.
That's right fellas (and I assume, a few ladies of "questionable morality"), when you're in the mood to toss off a few knuckle children, just grab the damn bible and start ta' readin'. Maybe start with that lovely story about a great "just" man, Lot, who gave his daughters up to be sexually abused by a mob rather than his angelic "house-guests" (Gen. 19:8). Read of Lot's wife who got turned into pillar of salt just for looking over her shoulder (Gen. 19:26) - so you better obey the goddamn BMU, or your pee-pee might just turn into a friggin' hedgehog. Learn about the daughters of Lot who, upon escaping and hiding in a cave, got their dad drunk and fucked him silly (Gen 19:30-38). Don't you know that those are the role-models you should be trying to be like?!

I wonder if there are any incest magazines that would want military base distribution? No matter...just remember, all you should ever do it pray. Ask your BMU for what you want and if he/she/it grants your wish, then power to you. If not, then let's just assume that he/she/it is perfectly OK with what's happening and all you righteous Flanders-Folk leave us heathens the hell alone with our titty mags, K? K.

4 Barbaric Yawps:

At 25/9/07 3:35 am, Blogger Atheist in a mini van. said...

Did your myspace get hacked? It (or you) keeps spamming me with Macy's ads. I've received three of the same comments (showing a Macy's receipt and a link to sign up for a program). I love you and all, but if you start spamming I'll drop you like a hot 'tater.

 
At 25/9/07 1:17 pm, Blogger corsair the rational pirate said...

I replied with the following:

I'm sorry, I guessed I missed the part where this site calls itself a parody site. If I didn't miss it and in fact all the posters above actually believe what they wrote than I feel bad for them as well.

Last time I looked, the military employed adults. These adults are charged with protecting the rights of their fellow citizens. One of those rights is to read pretty much whatever they want (within reason) whenever they want. Playboy and Penthouse, despite not being on y'alls favored reading lists is in fact legal reading material. So of course they should be available to adults on base.

For all the parents worried about your widdle kiddie Marines (Marines who are out killing people, btw) how about letting them make their own decisions as to their reading material? You want to spend all day reading the bible, fine. Not everyone does. Some people like to look at unclothed pretty young women and they have every right to do so.

If you raised your kids right, don't worry they will do the right thing. If not, don't worry they will do the wrong thing no matter how hard you pray.

===================

Not sure if they will post it or not. Probably not.

 
At 25/9/07 2:10 pm, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

Well you are awesome! Thanks for the forward and I'm glad you're reading my stuff ;)

 
At 29/9/07 4:06 pm, Blogger corsair the rational pirate said...

Your are welcome. And, like I thought, they never got around to posting my comment. Typical religious blowhards.

 

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