The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Lourdes Trip Saves Burning!

The Delusional Lord of Hats (aka Benny) made a ridiculous statement the other day. He said that if you make a pilgrimage to Lourdes, you get time taken off from your stay in purgatory. It's amazing to me how fucking crazy these people actually are. Someone in the comments of another post made the comparison to a bunch of doofuses playing Dungeons and Dragons, and I think that's pretty apt (nothing against the game or folks who used to or still do play - it's purely a reflection on the idiots in Rome).

The best part though, is that it's a limited time offer! It expires next year on December 8th, so if you're planning on committing any non-grievous sins, you better get your ass to Lourdes soon, pal.

Just in case you were unclear about what, exactly, purgatory is, allow me to illuminate. The article cited describes it as follows:
The Church teaches that people who do not go directly to heaven must spend time in purgatory, where they can be purified of residual sin.
Yes, "purified". When you check the Vatican website, however, the method of "purification" is a little...what's that word? "Terrifying". Yeah, that's it. Here's what the V has to say:
As for certain lesser faults, we must believe that, before the Final Judgment, there is a purifying fire. He who is truth says that whoever utters blasphemy against the Holy Spirit will be pardoned neither in this age nor in the age to come. From this sentence we understand that certain offenses can be forgiven in this age, but certain others in the age to come. cit.
Yeah, a "purifying fire". Enjoy that. I also like the part about whoever "utters blasphemy against the Holy Spirit" not being pardoned in this life or ever. In the spirit of that, Fuck the "Holy" Spirit and all the douchebags he hangs out with. Go go Blasphemy Challenge!

The Poop makes allotments for those who can't get to Lourdes, so you financially insecure folks and you tied-up-with-work people, take heart. All you have to do is pray at a shrine dedicated to the Madonna (no, not Like a Virgin Madonna - although that would make more sense) between February 2 and February 11, 2008. That's right, you have a nine-day window to save yourself from the fires. Of purgatory. Those wacky Catholics and their fires!

Have fun, jackasses!

4 Barbaric Yawps:

At 11/12/07 12:25 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting that Hinny would argue that since purgatory is being massively underplayed by the Vatican. In fact, I thought Been-a-dick had recently eliminated purgatory?? But, yeah... I guess if you believe that water can become a weapon just by saying a few words, then a big spring that you could bless would be something to get excited over. I'm still waiting for Madeleine McCann to surface at Lourdes.

At 11/12/07 8:01 am, Blogger BigHeathenMike said...

The Poop eliminated Limbo. Purgatory is different. Limbo was where unbaptized babies and people who never heard the word of god went when they died, purgatory is where you stop-over and burn for a while to "cleanse" your sins before heading up to Heaven to hang with Jebus.

It's embarrassing to even explain that stupid shit. "No no, Dagobah is the jungle planet where Yoda lived...Hoth is the ice planet where the battle against the AT-ATs happened."

At 11/12/07 2:27 pm, Blogger King Aardvark said...

And he just decided this out of the blue? That's wonderful. It sounds like a good tourism ploy, though that makes it sound very similar to the old mediaeval papal indulgences.

"No no, Dagobah is the jungle planet where Yoda lived...Hoth is the ice planet where the battle against the AT-ATs happened."

And you're making fun of DnD nerds? I should smite you with my +2 staff of skeptic slaying.

::rolls d20::
::comes up 1::

Damn. Critical miss. You get off lucky this time.

At 11/12/07 4:31 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, i don't care about this purgatory offer... What the heck, I am bound to go to hell. I hope Benny will make a special offer for those like me as well, I don't know, something like: "don't read Mike's rants for a week and the fire burning you will be 15 degree less"



Post a Comment

<< Home