Monkey Brawl! Oh...wait...no, that's "Monks" Brawl
And man, that's even better than monkeys. Hard to believe, but yes, monks from two different groups brawled like goddamn high school ping-pong rivals over the weekend because...well...because of ridiculous bullshit.
What? You were expecting a monk brawl over something intelligent?
In a nutshell, Armenian Orthodox monks wanted to do some silly march and Greek Orthodox monks wanted one of their fellas to participate. The Greeks thought that if the Armenians did the march alone, then they (the Greeks) would lose their right to some fucking clubhouse that Jesus got his ass kicked in once.
This is hilarious:
Six Christian sects divide control of the ancient church. They regularly fight over turf and influence, and Israeli police are occasionally forced to intervene.Ok, so replace "Christian sects" with "street gangs" - funny stuff! If you want a stellar example of how fucking moronic these asshats are, just read this phenomenal quote:
The Israeli government has long wanted to build a fire exit in the church, which regularly fills with thousands of pilgrims and has only one main door, but the sects cannot agree where the exit will be built.Do you think we could maybe arrange a road gig for Great White? I'm just sayin'.