The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Reviewing My Predictions

Some of you may remember that last year I did several podcasts to test the waters. I enjoyed them but had troubles getting into iTunes and all that jazz. I'd like to return to doing them at some point with a regular show-type thingy, but that's for another day. Today is to review the predictions I made. Just to recap, in case you weren't around for my sexy voice to lull you into security and woo, here are my predictions, as spoken:

1. Sometime in 2008, Scott Baio will lose his TV show.
2. Lee Majors will lose his right foot in April.
3. Liz Taylor dies in December.
4. Michael Jackson's right eye will fall out at Liz Taylor's funeral.
5. Sylvia Browne will get emphysema and then cancer of the lungs, but won't die. She'll die on Feb. 17, 2009.
6. On May 7, 2008, Pope Benedict will have a heart-attack.
7. Britney Spears will die on June 14, 2008.
8. Danny Boneduce will die in a September, 2008 car crash.
9. A huge cancer treatment breakthrough will happen in November, on the 20th.
10. The east coast of Texas will be smashed in August by a hurricane. Especially Galvaston.

Ok, so how'd I do? Well, the damn Scott Baio thing didn't pan out because he finished the Scott Baio is 45...and Single thing and has now moved on to his next reality series, Scott Baio is 46...and Pregnant. You only wish I was kidding. Best Scott Baio moment ever? When Cartman said:
“…and then these weird aliens came down and took me up into their spaceship and Scott Baio gave me pink eye.”
Ok, so number two didn't come to pass either. As far as my research shows, Lee Majors has both his feet and is is relatively good health. The six million dollars was apparently well-spent.

Righty, Liz Taylor is still alive so that's out. Eight marriages and still kickin'. You can't say that there's no fight in that woman.

Michael Jackson, by all accords still has both of his eyes in his horribly mis-shapen skull and, since Taylor didn't die, his healthy right eye did not fall out at her non-existent funeral. So far, 0 for 4.

As much as I'd like fake-ass "psychic" Sylvia Browne to get lung cancer and die, it seems she has not aquired the condition. Nor emphysema. I'm 0 for 5, but a guy can wish, right? I still have Feb. 17, 09 to look forward to!

Number six also failed to materialize. Pope Palpatine did not suffer a heart attack in 2008 making my goose-egg grow in size. Damn that Palpatine. Damn him to hell.

Obviously I'm going to have to add more to my egg as Britney did not die. I actually hope she gets her shit together and handles her family. (I can't be a bastard all the time...)

Danny goddamn Bonaduce didn't die either. You'd think with the people I picked to die or get sick, I'd have hit one - nope. Just crap luck, I guess. I could just change my picks like "Psychic" Nikki, but then I'd be a dick like her and that's just not cricket, baby.

Cancer treatment breakthrough in November - well, I found a video of a breakthrough from November 2007, and an article from November 2006, but the closest I got in 2008 was May - which at this point, I'll take as a hit because "November" has an "m" in it and if you look closely, you'll see that "m" is just before "n" in the alphabet and as we all know, you can include the letters before as hits...which is also why I'm taking "y" as a hit, because "y" is just a "v" with a tail, which is a common genetic mutation. See! A hit!

Finally, in August, there was Hurricane Gustav that beat the shit out of Haiti, Cuba, and even though none of these places are Galvaston, Texas, I'm going to say that's a hit because LOOK AT ME! I predicted a Hurricane! Nature is at my beck and call! Fear me!

Right, so my predictive abilities are essentially null and void, just like all the other retards who pretend to know what's going to happen. For 2009, I predict that I'll get heartburn tonight and that I'll soon be drinking a root beer and watching Flight of the Conchords. Enjoy.

1 Barbaric Yawps:

At 12/1/09 5:37 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apart from that it is the golden gate, some other points

- the shark is still leaping out of the water so the heli should not be pointing down
- You don't use attack helicopters to rescue divers, you use a sikorsky
- using any heli, you hover over the water at around 100 - 120 feet, not 15
- you don't use any rope ladders, you use heavily secured baskets with a motorize haul-up mechanism

And finally, everybody can see that it is a A129 Augusta attack helicopter and its particular colouring reveals that it is only in service in Poland.

Come to think of it, yesterday a similar copter crashed in a cemetery east of Warsaw, Poland. Officials said the death toll so far was 136 but they expect this figure will continue to rise as digging continues throughout the night.


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