The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Wide World of Woo!

Please say the title of this post as though you were Ric Flair and you were wearing a robe fringed with a boa-like feather thing and matching spandex manties. Yes, this is going to be a post worthy of that sort of expression. If I may:
Firstly, as you likely know, I'm a massage therapist up here near Toronto. As such, I tend to get lots of pamphlets and shit from a wide variety of vendors selling their wares and peddling the most recent rounds of pseudo-scientific horsepucky. The latest offering from Eastern Currents (in their flyer for January/February 2009) features an absolute howler of a course; I find it difficult to even read the description as it is beyond hokey and delves well into the domain of the fucking ludicrous. Please allow me to quote liberally from the outline of Esoteric Acupuncture with Dr. Mikio Sankey:
The general thinking of people in the West is to consider becoming healthy only after they have a physical or emotional imbalance. The real power of acupuncture is to harmonize and strengthen the body systems before a disease stage. Why try to get healthy only after you are sick? Can the problems of today in the Age of Aquarius be adequately handled by solutions developed in the Age of Pisces?

Complex problems require complex solutions. Esoteric Acupuncture was developed to address the imbalances experienced today on the physical, etheric, astral, mental, casual, buddhic, atmic (sic?), and monadic planes....Esoteric Acupuncture requires that one opens the Heart Chakra to rely on a higher intuitive power of the heart and head chakras, rather than relying solely on the academic left brain.
Tired yet? I mean, jesus christ, I've heard some bullshit in my day - from Deepak to a two-day YEC lecture series, from Hinn to Samraj - but this guy damn near takes the cake. And the candles on the top. And my mom.

But oh my friends, it gets so much better...
You will be taught how to find imbalances in the astral level by using a pendulum, as well as how to build your Antahkarana1, your "Rainbow Bridge" to higher consciousness. There will be a discussion on the energetics of the major acupuncture points used in Esoteric Acupuncture....Everything you eat and think is transferred through yourhands and mind into your needle....After the two-day workshop, each participant should be able to treat chakra imbalances and to align the Qi so it flows smoothly to the Crown Chakra and higher.
Emphasis added by me. Oh, and just in case you want to read the whole thing for yourself - making your brain hate you, jump out of your head and go read about the latest happenings on The Bachelor for some intelligent stimulation - please to here to immerse yourself in the full course details. I'll save most of you the trouble and tell you that the weekend course costs $404.25 or $446.25, depending on whether or not you're an "early bird" or not. Not bad, considering you'll be building an entire "rainbow bridge".

I'd have more jokes about what Sankey is about but he's too much of an easy target. It'd be like slapping a mopey dog. I will say, however, that one of his two Ph.Ds is from American Liberty University, which has been thrown some flack for potentially being a diploma mill. Please see here, in particular, this paragraph:
American Liberty University, a school given a waiver from a full review, set up a “campus" in Montgomery but comes from California. On its Web site, ALU lists that it is licensed by the state but does not inform visitors that ALU is not recognized by the federal Department of Education as an accredited institution. That means its credits will be nearly impossible to transfer to accredited institutions.

The school also gives credit for “experiential learning," defined as “previous life or work experience outside of the classroom, or self-study in some courses and departments."

Giving academic credit for life experience is a red flag, said George Gollin, a professor at the University of Illinois who tracks fraudulent colleges.
Right. So now we're down to one Ph.D, and that's from Honolulu and his fucking specialization was in iridology. Yeah, that iridology. I think we can safely say that Mikio's credibility, if it was the U.S. homeland security color-coded alert level, would be well into the red, if not all out black. At least our good "Dr." can get his colors back into order with a simple adjustment of his pancreatic chakra and a nice fig newton.

It saddens me that this guy will likely make a lot of money off of people that I will eventually have to deprogram. What an ass. Woo!

(1. If you don't know what "antahkaranas" is, check out the weirdly sexist and nonsensical "explanation" found here; mostly this quote: "Use the male if you need more assertive energy. Use the female if you need more compassionate energy." Nice, eh?)

1 Barbaric Yawps:

At 7/4/09 6:04 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's so sad. If you've read any (or all) of Mikio's books or tried any of his acupuncture patterns on yourself, you'd know that he's the real thing. I really recommend him to everyone - if you're open to expanding your consciousness. But even people who aren't - he has basic patterns to begin to open patients - and they basically help with stress as well. He's just using simple TCM points learned in every acupuncture school, but he's doing them in a specific order to create sacred geometry patterns (in other words, the treatment will have more of an impact). Whether you call something "Plum pit qi from Liver qi stagnation" (TCM) or "Throat chakra imbalance" (Mikio) you are still treating someone's lump in their throat.


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