The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Purpose Driven Thingy - Day 7

"The reason for everything."

...at least Warren keeps his thesis narrow. Day seven is a doozy with several noteworthy contributions from America's pastor. We begin today's blathering with this bible quote:
The Lord has made everything for his purposes. Proverbs, 16:4
Man, maybe that's why there's so much craziness. Imagine if you had the power to create and do anything. I'd have monkeys juggling flaming car tires and people being ridden down the street by animated hot dogs and I'd travel everywhere on that platform thing that Xerxes rode on in 300, only it'd be carried by all the Catholic pedophile priests and secretly gay evangelical Christians.
The ultimate goal of the universe is to show the glory of God...God made it all for his glory.
Sooo, that includes Big Brother, season 11, right? Glory to God in the highest, and I hope that girl takes a shower soon. Hey, remember how Saddam Hussein had statues and murals of himself put all over Baghdad and Iraq? What'd we think of that? I believe we though it was the work of a megalomaniac crazy person. Multiply that times, oh, the entire universe and you'll get the ego of God. Let's all bow our heads and have a snack-cake.

There's a lot of repetitive, "God is great...God's glory...blah blah blah..." in this chapter. It's annoying, but what do you expect from a person who thinks the bible is a great book?
Where is the glory of God? Just look around. Everything created by God reflects His glory in some way.
This is just a re-wording of, "Wanna know why I believe in God? Just look at that pretty sunset/flower/little girl/little boy/old tree/interesting mushroom, etc..." You fill in the blank with something that is sort of cool and it'll stick. What this ignores is all the crappy stuff that happens every day. Is God's glory in this little nature scenario? (warning: graphic but way cool nature tale)

Can you see God making a zombie caterpillar to protect the wasp larvae that just chewed their way out of its innards? Man, you wanna talk about "glory". That's a George Romero (or maybe Rob Zombie!) movie in waiting, right there.
In Heaven, God's glory provides all the light needed. The bible says, "The city does not need the Sun or the Moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives its light."
A picky technical point to correct: the Moon does not "shine", it reflects. If you don't have a Sun, you don't have a bright moon...or any life on Earth, so the whole "glory" thing is a moot point. But, haha, I'm being all sciencey and rational. Sorry, back to the blathering.
Because of Jesus, we are no longer in the dark about what God is really like.
See, Jesus is sort of the blind date connection who tells you all about the person you're going to meet at the hip new Wheat Grass Boutique. I find it hilarious that Warren is using a potentially fictitious person (Jesus) to get factual information about a certainly fictional character (God) via a book written by men more than fifteen-hundred years ago. To quote Bill Hicks, "He must carry his balls around in a wheelbarrow, man.

Whew. Ok, we're gonna take a quick break to have a granola bar and read a science news article as a bit of a palate cleanser, then we'll come right back and do Act Two.
...the Sun is the radiance of God's glory.
Warren is all about "glory" today. Like, to the point of obsession. It's worrying. Even rudimentary astronomy tells you that the Sun is a giant nuclear fireball that emits energy totally predictable by Einstein's E=mc². It's right there in the physics hullaballoo.
We are commanded to recognize his glory, honor his glory, declare his glory, praise his glory, reflect his glory, and live for his glory. Why? Because God deserves it...Since God made all things, He deserves all the glory.
Did you count how many times "glory" appears in that quick little quote? I got seven. Again, I don't like to use the word "brainwash", but if the electroshock fits....

Also, isn't the word, "deserves" sort of relative? I mean, I think that the movie The Hurt Locker deserves to win Best Picture at the Oscars this year. It might not, Avatar might get in there or there might be another sleeper that squeaks away the win. I just think that "deserves" is just a human idea (like God, actually) that it doesn't belong in a discussion, regardless of how inane or painfully repetitive it is about the fictional creator of the universe.

Maybe He deserves an eyebrow piercing. Worked for Xerxes.
The bible says, "In the entire universe, only two of God's creations fail to bring glory to Him..."
Can you guess what they are? Go on, take another five minute break and think about it, then come back.

Back? Ok, here they are:
...Fallen Angels - that's demons - and us, people.
Did you get those? Did you think he was going to go "demon" on you? I sure didn't. I thought maybe pulsars, or Jupiter's Red Spot, or perhaps ribbon candy. Awesome that "demons" came out though
Refusing to bring glory to God is prideful rebellion and it is the sin that caused Satan's fall, and ours too.
Great, us and Satan. We're like this (fingers crossed). Basically, we're like Satan's nutritionist boyfriend Chris from South Park.
How can I bring glory to God?
Warren says that the rest of the book looks at five purposes for your life, which I assume, deal with how to properly show glory to God. Great, I was getting worried here that there was going to be no direct instruction and it was just a long sermon about being unworthy sinners.
Worship is our first responsibility to God.
So screw your kids.
...Use your whole body to do what is right for the glory of God
I've only used my left arm and my right leg from the knee down. Dammit....
We bring glory to God by loving other believers.
That's right, he went there. All those folks who don't believe or reject Sky Daddy, well, loving them gets you nowhere. In fact, the bible says lots about them and what to do when you get a bunch of them together:
The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; and they shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Matthew 13:41-42
See, gather 'em up, burn 'em. Lot's o' gnashing. Alrighty, next comes lots of blah blah about serving others and "learning to love as God loves", which scares me a bit when you see what God is like in the bible. Then comes the white, pressed shirts and the ties:
Finally, we bring glory to God by telling others about Him.
Proselyting. Awesome. I wonder if Warren will bring up how God wants you to give him glory by wearing vibrantly colored helmets?
LDS missionary
By the way, yes, I realize these are LDS missionaries, but still, funny is funny.
It's time to settle this issue: who are you gonna live for? Yourself or God? You may hesitate wondering if you have the strength to live for God - don't worry. God will give you what you need if you'll just make the choice to live for him
What if I need a nice KitchenAid mixer? I am for sale, it's really only the price we're haggling over. My glory-giving is on the auction block, sir, for the low, low cost of a high-end mixer with meat-grinder attachment so I can make home-made sausage.
Receive and believe - The bible promises to all who received Him, to those who believed in his name, He gave the right to become Children of God...no matter what you've done, God wants to forgive you.
Just believe all this stuff. Come on. Seriously, what have you got to lose? Jesus, this makes the creator of the universe and everything/everyone in it into that annoying person who comes up to you with a big hug and says, "It's ok...shhhhh...it's ok...it's not your fault...", and the whole time you're saying, "Yeah, I know. I was just going to make a sandwich. Seriously, I'm good. Can you stop patting my head? Ok, I'm uncomfortable now, could you let go?"
Whenever you're listening to to this, I invite you to bow your head and whisper the prayer that will change your eternity: "Jesus, I believe in you, and I receive you." Go ahead, just say, "Jesus, I believe in you, and I receive you." If you seriously meant that prayer, congratulation! Welcome to the family of God!
Unless you were just screwing around, then your eternal soul is in jeopardy and you just may be tortured for all time in the fires of Hell. That's a real place, you know. You should be scared, nay, terrified of having your eternity of super special specialness placed on the chopping block. Are you scared enough? Ok, then say the damn prayer and mean it this time.

Today's point: "It's all for Him."

Today's bible verse: "For everything comes from God above, everything lives by His power, and everything is for His glory. Rom 11:36" Again, Warren uses a different translation.

Today's Question to Ponder: "Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God's glory?" I'd urge you to watch the parasitic wasp larvae eating the living caterpillar video above once again to see God's glory in all it's spectacularly horrifying detail.

Tomorrow, Day 8!

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