The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Purpose Driven Thingy - Day 9

Alright, the New Kid makes me tired and as such, the Purpose Driven Thingy has suffered a bit. I am, however, going to finish this damn thing. Off we go....

"What makes God smile?" I actually giggled a bit when this line was read. "...(Y)our most important task is to figure out how to do that (make god smile)" I love how Warren anthropomorphizes the supposed creator of the universe to have a nice smile. Wonder if he had braces as a kid...?
Fortunately, the bible gives us a clear example of a life that gives pleasure to God. The man's name was Noah.
Noah. The guy who lived for, are you ready? Nine-hundred and fifty years. Oh, and he was a drunk who cursed his sons for covering up his junk when he passed out all nekkid (see Genesis 9:20 - 9:26).
Because Noah brought pleasure to God, you and I are alive today.
Evolution, schmevolution....

From Noah's life, we are supposedly learn the five acts of worship that make god all warm and fuzzy inside. I wonder if being hammered is one of them? Let's find out, shall we?
God smiles wen we love him supremely...(God) says, 'I don't want your sacrifices, I want your love.'
Man, tell that to Leviticus.
God also smiles when we trust Him completely.
This basically tells people to "trust" the voices in their heads and to do whatever those voices say, regardless of whether or not you understand them or agree with what they say. Remember Abraham? "God" told him to kill his son, and he was about to when "God" stepped in and said, "Just joshin', son! Go kill that ram instead." Or Jephthah making the deal that forced him to burn his only daughter alive. Nice, eh? Go religion! Bust out the Jephthah story whenever anyone says that the Abraham story has a nice ending.
There were three problems that could have caused Noah to doubt. First, Noah had never seen rain because prior to the flood, God irrigated the Earth from the ground up. That's why the people had never seen a rainbow.
I'm not joking. The book actually says this. It's amazing to me that grown humans can believe something as insane as, "the Earth was irrigated from the ground up."
Second, Noah lived hundred of miles from the nearest ocean...Third, there was the problem of rounding up all those animals and caring for them."
Yes, caring for hundreds (thousands?) of animals would be a "problem". Allow me to use an illustration of the problem(s) of the Noah story (only watch the first three minutes of the video - it's sort of boring after that):
Joe Rogan: for when you need absolutely, positively need a pot-head conspiracy theorist to lay the smack down on religion. Accept no substitutes.
It took Noah 120 years to build the ark..."
Ok, seriously, how old are these people? Noah lived to be 950 years old? This was before vaccines, right? Ooooohhhhh...wait a second...Jenny McCarthy just might be correct here! Before vaccines gave us all autism, the population lived for hundreds and hundreds of years!
He (Noah) was probably ruthlessly criticized as a crazy man who thinks God speaks to him.
And now there is an awkward silence as I stare at stone-faced at Rick Warren....
God smiles when we obey Him wholeheartedly.
Going back to the crazy voices in your head thing.... Do you think Jeffrey Dahmer heard voices? Probably after he was born again in prison.
Saving the animal population from a worldwide flood required great attention to logistics and details.
Much like the creation of an entire universe. Actually, you'd think dealing with a flood and the during/after effects would be a bit of a walk in the park after you, you know, created the star that warms the planet...and the planet itself. Weird, eh?

Oh, and the fish who need salt water would have all died with a flood of that magnitude. Fresh water raining from the sky in the amounts indicated by bible scholars would have just killed the hell out of salt water fish and mammals. Ah well, who the heck needs them anyways?
Obedience unlocks understanding.
Back to the "obedience" thing. Here's a question: what if "god" told me to, I don't know...invade Iraq. Should I go do it unquestioningly? Warren seems to think so. Would it be the same answer if I get the word from "god" to kill my daughter by stomping on her head, choking her, and repeatedly stabbing her until she died because she talked to a man? Obey, bitch. It's the right thing to do. Screw you and your "human rights". How am I supposed to tell the difference between a neurological disorder, a chemical imbalance, and God giving me a celestial "honey-do" list? Oh, you'll tell me:
...delayed obedience is disobedience...selective obedience is disobedience....
Not a lot of wiggle room there, eh Rick? Listen to the voices, listen to the voices, listen to the voices....
Why is obedience so important to God? Because it proves you really love Him.
Do I need to talk about how wrong these sentences are? I think not. I mean, blind obedience does not equal love unless you've got a closeted homosexual military colonel for a daddy.

When you explain your expectations and demands, you get compliance willingly and you cease ruling through fear and intimidation. Why is it that Christians like Warren are so big on obedience? Because they can't rationally explain why they do the things they do; they can't even answer the questions of children. Falling back onto blind obedience only shows how shallow and meaningless is their pool.
God smiles when we praise and thank him continually.
Insecure much? How are we supposed to suck the...ok, let's say "stroke" the ego of the creator the universe? Let's say I'm out of the roads and I'm driving a Lotus Elise. I stop at a light and a Hyundai Excel pulls up next to me and revs its engine. The driver gives me the look. Do I race the Excel? No. Why not? Because it would be a joke. I'm obviously driving the faster, more high-performance car and to prove that in a race would be pointless. See where I'm goin' here?
God smiles when we use our abilities...After the flood, God gave Noah these simple instructions: be fruitful and increase in number, and fill the Earth.
How many people survived the flood again? Was any of that "multiplying" awkward or weird? Anyone remember Lot and his daughters in the cave? Awwwkkwwaaarrrd.
Every human activity except sin can be done in God's name.
I have one word for that: poop. (no, I'm not above potty humour - I think we all knew that)

After this there is a lot of boring crap that I honestly had to really try to focus through. Warren is not a gripping writer by any definition. It boils down to, "God sees you when you're sleeping, God knows when you're awake, God knows if you've been bad or good, so kill for me if I ask, for goodness sake." Or something like that.
Will you make pleasing God the goal of your life? There is nothing that God won't do for the person totally absorbed with this goal.
Does this scare anyone as much as it does me? I'm almost afraid to continue reading/listening to this travesty of a book.

Point to Ponder! "God smiles when I trust Him!"
Verse to Remember! "The Lord is pleased with those who worship Him and trust His love" Psalm 147:11 (although the version I've linked translates it as, "The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.", which is way more accurate, I imagine)
Question to Ponder! "Since God knows what is best, in what areas of mylife do I need to trust Him most?" Please don't say "finance", please don't say "finance", please don't say "finanace"....

0 Barbaric Yawps:

Post a Comment

<< Home