Tim Tebow, the quarterback/Jebus freak took the "Wonderlic test" (it's some football thing...don't ask me) and he made a small request beforehand. He asked to have a little prayer with the other players.
He was told, and I'm not paraphrasing here, this is a direct quote, to, "Shut the fuck up." Then the room laughed at him. This is what happens in a just world and I'd like it to happen much more often.
If Tebow had just quietly bowed his own head and prayed for his own success on the test, no problem, but this sanctimonious douchetard just has to involve other people in his fucking delusion. The fact that he got shot down hard is fantastic and deserved.
If you're religious, fantastic for you. Keep it to your-fucking-self.
Hey there. So, a few of you might remember that I used to do the occasional podcast. I now have a new little device and records my voice digitally so I can 'cast from the car. Life's alright. The sound quality isn't top notch, but it's alright (or as the kids say, "a'ight"), so go check it out. There's NSFW language, as you'd expect from me, but what the hell. I'll try to get it up on iTunes as well and not be such a technotard.
Ok, let's get right to it because there's some craziness to hit.
Give yourselves to God, surrender your whole being to Him to be used for righteous purposes. Rom 6:13
The heart of worship is in surrender.
Much like Islam, which literally means "surrender" or "submission".
The word (surrender) is almost always used in a negative context. Captured criminals surrender to the authorities....
Alright, minor point here, but captured criminals "have surrendered" to the authorities. Keep your tenses agreeing with each other and we'll have no problems at all, okie dokie?
True worship, bringing pleasure to God, happens when you give yourself completely to God
The is tautological and meaningless. *sigh* I'm not even ten minutes into writing this chapter out and I'm bored and annoyed.
Warren really can't write. I realize that we are not on the same page spiritually and we're not going to come together, but for a best seller with over 30 million copies sold, his writing is really terrible. I expected to maybe at least see some inspiring phrases or beautiful language, but this is bush league.
God wants your life, all of it. Ninety-five percent is not enough.
There are apparently three things that block our submission to God: Fear, Pride, and Confusion. I believe that was a lesser-known Jane Austin novel. I could be wrong.
Trust is an essential ingredient to surrender...
...just ask anyone in the BDSM community. No, seriously Rick, ask anyone in the BDSM community.
...you won't surrender to God unless you trust Him.
...and you won't surrender to Mistress Satania with the eight inch lucite heels and nine-inch silicone phallus unless you trust her either. Just sayin'.
Fear keeps us from surrendering, but love casts out all fear.
Apparently, Warren has not met Mistress Satania. ...or maybe he has.
If you wanna know how much you matter to God, look at Christ with his arms outstretched on the cross saying, 'I love you THIS much! I'd rather die than live without you.
Um, I'm no historian or anything, but I'm pretty certain that if there was a Jesus at all and if he was crucified, he was likely saying something along the line of this:
...(s)urrendering to Him brings freedom, not bondage.
Sure, and my high school girlfriend left me for the guy with the fancy car because it just wasn't our time, man. It was timing. That and politics. It's all politics.
We don't want to admit that we're just creatures and we're not in control of everything.
Speak for yourself, sir.
Here there's lots of talk about how surrendering is great and how you're still a bad ass, rational warrior, whatever the hell that means.
Surrender is best demonstrated in obedience. You say, 'Yes, Lord', to whatever He asks of you.
This is the dangerous, insane part. Saying "yes" to every demand from every crazy voice in your head makes you exactly that - Crazy. Crazy is not spiritual. At all.
Abraham followed God's leading without knowing where it would take him.
This is a nice way to gloss over childhood trauma. Go read it. You'll get a knot in your stomach as well.
Alrighty, this is the place where I took a break the other night and then lost the rest of my Day 10 notes. Rest assured that there was nothing remotely enlightening or clever, just more painful blathering and some crap about how much god loves folks who just do what he says.
The point was obvious. The bible verse was likely annoying and vague enough to apply to whatever Warren felt like pasting it on. The question was retarded and pointless.
Day 11 will, hopefully, be tomorrow. Parents are here visiting and we're still getting used to having two kids. Weird, that. Fun, but weird....
Alright, the New Kid makes me tired and as such, the Purpose Driven Thingy has suffered a bit. I am, however, going to finish this damn thing. Off we go....
"What makes God smile?" I actually giggled a bit when this line was read. "...(Y)our most important task is to figure out how to do that (make god smile)" I love how Warren anthropomorphizes the supposed creator of the universe to have a nice smile. Wonder if he had braces as a kid...?
Fortunately, the bible gives us a clear example of a life that gives pleasure to God. The man's name was Noah.
This basically tells people to "trust" the voices in their heads and to do whatever those voices say, regardless of whether or not you understand them or agree with what they say. Remember Abraham? "God" told him to kill his son, and he was about to when "God" stepped in and said, "Just joshin', son! Go kill that ram instead." Or Jephthah making the deal that forced him to burn his only daughter alive. Nice, eh? Go religion! Bust out the Jephthah story whenever anyone says that the Abraham story has a nice ending.
There were three problems that could have caused Noah to doubt. First, Noah had never seen rain because prior to the flood, God irrigated the Earth from the ground up. That's why the people had never seen a rainbow.
I'm not joking. The book actually says this. It's amazing to me that grown humans can believe something as insane as, "the Earth was irrigated from the ground up."
Second, Noah lived hundred of miles from the nearest ocean...Third, there was the problem of rounding up all those animals and caring for them."
Yes, caring for hundreds (thousands?) of animals would be a "problem". Allow me to use an illustration of the problem(s) of the Noah story (only watch the first three minutes of the video - it's sort of boring after that): Joe Rogan: for when you need absolutely, positively need a pot-head conspiracy theorist to lay the smack down on religion. Accept no substitutes.
It took Noah 120 years to build the ark..."
Ok, seriously, how old are these people? Noah lived to be 950 years old? This was before vaccines, right? Ooooohhhhh...wait a second...Jenny McCarthy just might be correct here! Before vaccines gave us all autism, the population lived for hundreds and hundreds of years!
He (Noah) was probably ruthlessly criticized as a crazy man who thinks God speaks to him.
And now there is an awkward silence as I stare at stone-faced at Rick Warren....
God smiles when we obey Him wholeheartedly.
Going back to the crazy voices in your head thing.... Do you think Jeffrey Dahmer heard voices? Probably after he was born again in prison.
Saving the animal population from a worldwide flood required great attention to logistics and details.
Much like the creation of an entire universe. Actually, you'd think dealing with a flood and the during/after effects would be a bit of a walk in the park after you, you know, created the star that warms the planet...and the planet itself. Weird, eh?
Oh, and the fish who need salt water would have all died with a flood of that magnitude. Fresh water raining from the sky in the amounts indicated by bible scholars would have just killed the hell out of salt water fish and mammals. Ah well, who the heck needs them anyways?
Obedience unlocks understanding.
Back to the "obedience" thing. Here's a question: what if "god" told me to, I don't know...invade Iraq. Should I go do it unquestioningly? Warren seems to think so. Would it be the same answer if I get the word from "god" to kill my daughter by stomping on her head, choking her, and repeatedly stabbing her until she died because she talked to a man? Obey, bitch. It's the right thing to do. Screw you and your "human rights". How am I supposed to tell the difference between a neurological disorder, a chemical imbalance, and God giving me a celestial "honey-do" list? Oh, you'll tell me:
...delayed obedience is disobedience...selective obedience is disobedience....
Not a lot of wiggle room there, eh Rick? Listen to the voices, listen to the voices, listen to the voices....
Why is obedience so important to God? Because it proves you really love Him.
Do I need to talk about how wrong these sentences are? I think not. I mean, blind obedience does not equal love unless you've got a closeted homosexual military colonel for a daddy.
When you explain your expectations and demands, you get compliance willingly and you cease ruling through fear and intimidation. Why is it that Christians like Warren are so big on obedience? Because they can't rationally explain why they do the things they do; they can't even answer the questions of children. Falling back onto blind obedience only shows how shallow and meaningless is their pool.
God smiles when we praise and thank him continually.
Insecure much? How are we supposed to suck the...ok, let's say "stroke" the ego of the creator the universe? Let's say I'm out of the roads and I'm driving a Lotus Elise. I stop at a light and a Hyundai Excel pulls up next to me and revs its engine. The driver gives me the look. Do I race the Excel? No. Why not? Because it would be a joke. I'm obviously driving the faster, more high-performance car and to prove that in a race would be pointless. See where I'm goin' here?
God smiles when we use our abilities...After the flood, God gave Noah these simple instructions: be fruitful and increase in number, and fill the Earth.
Every human activity except sin can be done in God's name.
I have one word for that: poop. (no, I'm not above potty humour - I think we all knew that)
After this there is a lot of boring crap that I honestly had to really try to focus through. Warren is not a gripping writer by any definition. It boils down to, "God sees you when you're sleeping, God knows when you're awake, God knows if you've been bad or good, so kill for me if I ask, for goodness sake." Or something like that.
Will you make pleasing God the goal of your life? There is nothing that God won't do for the person totally absorbed with this goal.
Does this scare anyone as much as it does me? I'm almost afraid to continue reading/listening to this travesty of a book.
Point to Ponder! "God smiles when I trust Him!" Verse to Remember! "The Lord is pleased with those who worship Him and trust His love"Psalm 147:11 (although the version I've linked translates it as, "The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.", which is way more accurate, I imagine) Question to Ponder! "Since God knows what is best, in what areas of mylife do I need to trust Him most?" Please don't say "finance", please don't say "finance", please don't say "finanace"....
Yes, I've been slack. I'm tired from New Kid being awake through the nights and working through the days. I've still got the Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Thingy to slog through - and I shall, but until tomorrow, here's a fabulous analogy of dealing with homeopathy (or any alt-med, pseudoscience weirdo).
So Warren says, "God planned your birth, was at your birth as an 'unseen witness' and he's happy you're alive." I'll ask you at this point to remember my friend Ross and how, under Warren's own ideology, God choked Ross nearly to death, but certainly enough to give him his multiple severe handicaps.
God did not need to create you, he chose to create you for his own enjoyment.
Bit of a sicko, don't you think? I mean, if you can imagine life outside of your personal comfort bubble or, perhaps, if you've traveled at all to poor areas of the globe, you can see that this particular deity's idea of "enjoyment" is rather distasteful. Plus, isn't the idea of being God's Dancing Monkey a tad on the demeaning side itself? Way to sell the idea, Rick.
Bringing pleasure to God is called 'worship'.
It's sort of like God's handjob. I'll paraphrase Warren here: We have to worship - God built it into us, so if we don't worship God, we find a substitute, even if it's ourselves. Right, except people who are irreligious don't "worship" ourselves. We don't "worship" anything. It's like people who are as into religion as Warren is just can't imagine an existence without prostrating themselves at something. Maybe it's God, maybe it's Mecca, perhaps it's a duck's feather soaked in kerosene and lit on fire while hanging over a beeswax candle shaped like W.C. Fields' nose. Odd.
Actually, worship predates music. Adam worshiped in the Garden of Eden, but music isn't mentioned until Genesis 4:4 with the birth of Jubil.
Yes, apparently the bible is a historical document going back to the Garden of Eden. I'm curious if Warren is a Young Earth Creationist (YEC)? Hmmmm....
God loves all kinds of music because He invented it all.
I'm sorry, but is Warren trying to tell me that the All-Powerful, Creator of the Universe, Lord of All Lords gets his groove on and dances in His tighty-whities to Lil' Jon's Get Low:
Ok, so that happened. You know, now that I think about it, this video just might be right in line with what Warren's God thinks of women. That said, if God existed, I'd love to see the mix on His iPod.
Oh, wait a second...I may have spoken too soon:
There is no such thing as Christian music, only Christian lyrics.
Ah, got ya. Ok, so my point stands then. It is sort of funny though to picture God up there in Heaven or wherever thinking, "You know, I don't particularly enjoy Zack de la Rocha's politically charged and somewhat offensive lyrics, but I very much like Tom Morello's heavy guitar work." Hilarious.
Warren goes on to say that we should be praising God from sun-up to sun-down. He says:
Worship isn't a part of your life, it is your life.
Man, it seems like a crap life if your entire time is symbolically fellating a made-up Sky Man. Just sayin'.
You might be asking yourself the same question Warren asks, albeit he asks rhetorically, which is: How is it possible to do everything, "for the glory of God?" Simple, my friend. "By doing everything as if you were doing it for Jesus." *sigh* Here we go with the Jesus stuff....
after explaining about how he thought about his girlfriend all the time, Warren says:
This is what real worship is all about. Falling in love with Jesus.
Point to ponder: "I was planned for God's pleasure." Cheer up! You're God's dildo!
Verse to Remember: Psalm 149: 4. Also known as the Footloose verses.
Question: "What common task could I start doing as if I were doing it directly for Jesus?" Don't say "masturbating"...don't say "masturbating"...don't say "masturbuating"....
Things I Doubt: Ray Comfort & Kirk Cameron's ability to put together a decent argument...or a decent sandwich, for that matter; Oprah Winfrey's judgment about anything; Jenny McCarthy's anatomical conformity, by which I mean, I think she has neither a brain nor a heart; Jim Carrey's status as a Canadian - am I allowed to unilaterally decline that?; believers in acupuncture and their ability to accept that it is a fantasy; and the justness of a world where I am not rich for my truly amazing humor but Reality TV "stars" continue to rake in the cash.