Open Letter from Harold Camping's Conscience
So apparently, Harold Camping has now said that May 21st was a "silent judgment", a "spiritual judgment" and that the apocalypse will occur on October 21st, 2011. Here is a letter from his conscience.
Hi there. I'm Harold Camping's conscience. Yeah, it's been a while since I've seen the light of day. Sort of odd and ironic that I'm getting out to breathe a bit only a couple of days after my bodily host said the whole world would change with the rapture occurring. Weird. Just you wait five more months! Ha...yeah...not that funny. Sorry.
Anyway, I wanted to apologize. The denial and obfuscation in Harold's head is deep and dark, so he can't really see the devastation he's caused. I mean, check out this news report:Yeah, I know. Slit her daughters' throats and wrists. Insanity. Harold really thought he knew the date from the numbers in the bible; I tried to get to him and pull that "nagging conscience" thing, but it didn't work. He's gone. He's what poker players call, "pot committed". Like Oprah is to medically negligent bullshit. He had to make another "prediction to cover his ass. I tried.
I have to apologize to the family of the gentleman who hanged himself in Nairobi because of the supposed end of the world. Harold knew in his heart that things like this would happen, but he was too wrapped up in his numbers, numbers, and more numbers to really think it through. There's not too much "thinking through" in any religion, actually, so Harold's version of Christianity isn't exactly original in that respect, but there was certainly more immediate responses and actions taken.
Like the couple in New Jersey who quit their jobs (and the guy's younger brother who dropped out of high school because there was "no point in graduating" - as if that was a necessary excuse) because of the "good news".This poor, silly, deluded pregnant woman is living off her husband's savings because she thinks she's going to fly into the sky to be with Jesus. I don't pray, but man, if I did it would be for her kid to find decently smart role models in school or summer camp, or a friendly homeless a-capella group.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm sorry for not trying hard enough to get to Harold in the last 80 years. He's much too brain-melted now for me to do anything , but at least no one will (hopefully) listen to his crazy "predictions" again this time. Sadly, it's too late for some people. At least Harold has his ministry and his millions of dollars to soften the blow. I'll try to get him to legally sign over his stuff as of October 22nd as a sign of good faith. Probably won't happen, but you never know.
I'll also try to get him to be involved in some kinky sex scandal or something. Maybe with a gay "masseuse" and some crystal meth. What's that? ...That's already happened? Dammit, I really have to pay more attention to the news cycle.
In any event, this is Harold Camping's conscience, reporting from inside the dark, cavernous, echoing chambers between his ears saying, I'm sorry and we'll maybe see you later.