The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Open Letter from Harold Camping's Conscience

So apparently, Harold Camping has now said that May 21st was a "silent judgment", a "spiritual judgment" and that the apocalypse will occur on October 21st, 2011. Here is a letter from his conscience.

Hi there. I'm Harold Camping's conscience. Yeah, it's been a while since I've seen the light of day. Sort of odd and ironic that I'm getting out to breathe a bit only a couple of days after my bodily host said the whole world would change with the rapture occurring. Weird. Just you wait five more months! Ha...yeah...not that funny. Sorry.

Anyway, I wanted to apologize. The denial and obfuscation in Harold's head is deep and dark, so he can't really see the devastation he's caused. I mean, check out this news report:Yeah, I know. Slit her daughters' throats and wrists. Insanity. Harold really thought he knew the date from the numbers in the bible; I tried to get to him and pull that "nagging conscience" thing, but it didn't work. He's gone. He's what poker players call, "pot committed". Like Oprah is to medically negligent bullshit. He had to make another "prediction to cover his ass. I tried.

I have to apologize to the family of the gentleman who hanged himself in Nairobi because of the supposed end of the world. Harold knew in his heart that things like this would happen, but he was too wrapped up in his numbers, numbers, and more numbers to really think it through. There's not too much "thinking through" in any religion, actually, so Harold's version of Christianity isn't exactly original in that respect, but there was certainly more immediate responses and actions taken.

Like the couple in New Jersey who quit their jobs (and the guy's younger brother who dropped out of high school because there was "no point in graduating" - as if that was a necessary excuse) because of the "good news".This poor, silly, deluded pregnant woman is living off her husband's savings because she thinks she's going to fly into the sky to be with Jesus. I don't pray, but man, if I did it would be for her kid to find decently smart role models in school or summer camp, or a friendly homeless a-capella group.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm sorry for not trying hard enough to get to Harold in the last 80 years. He's much too brain-melted now for me to do anything , but at least no one will (hopefully) listen to his crazy "predictions" again this time. Sadly, it's too late for some people. At least Harold has his ministry and his millions of dollars to soften the blow. I'll try to get him to legally sign over his stuff as of October 22nd as a sign of good faith. Probably won't happen, but you never know.

I'll also try to get him to be involved in some kinky sex scandal or something. Maybe with a gay "masseuse" and some crystal meth. What's that? ...That's already happened? Dammit, I really have to pay more attention to the news cycle.

In any event, this is Harold Camping's conscience, reporting from inside the dark, cavernous, echoing chambers between his ears saying, I'm sorry and we'll maybe see you later.

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4 Barbaric Yawps:

At 24/5/11 5:34 am, Blogger Max said...

Camping’s calculations were wrong and his assumptions naive, but Rapture and Judgment Day are still relevant! Humanity needs to know the truth. Listen to this very compelling recording from a new spiritual group that is making waves and getting the word out to be spiritually prepared with more than a simple prayer and some bible verses.

At 24/5/11 9:19 am, Blogger Heathen Mike said...

Thanks for providing the fodder for a new post.

At 7/6/11 6:34 am, Blogger Shadeburst said...

OK so Camping's a loony/financial genius (take your pick) but how is he responsible for these other loonies' actions?

I saw in a Coke advert repeated many many times on TV how a kid on a J-board whizzed down the railing of a flight of stairs but because I'm not a lunatic I don't believe I can drink Coke and perform that stunt without killing myself. Not even if I snort the stuff!

Every year dozens of teenagers commit suicide when they realize they're not going to be the next Justin Bieber/Britney Spears. Does that mean the whole celebrity thing should be abolished?

Ultimately it's Darwinism in action although sadly the crazy woman who tried to kill herself and her daughters has already reproduced and her genes cannot be stopped.

And BTW Max, there's a non-lethal alternative to Darwinism. You can simply choose to be vasectomized.

At 7/6/11 8:09 am, Blogger Heathen Mike said...

I never said Camping is responsible for other people's actions. I think personal responsibility is paramount, but I also think that a person like Camping is scummily (is that a word?) taking advantage of the gullible - knowingly or not. He's a douche and, yes, on a certain level I think that the people who get fleeced into donating/spending their life savings on this silly bullshit deserve what they get. That just means Camping is an asshole and I'm going make "his subconscious" notpologize for it.


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