The Lower Quote, As If You Didn't Know, Is By Richard Dawkins, Son.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Purpose Driven Thingy - Day 12

"Developing Your Friendship With God"

Apparently, you've got to work on your friendship with the Creator of the Universe. Also, you've got to trust him when he asks you to do stuff...presumably like shoot up a school or physically assault a homosexual.
God doesn't expect you to be perfect, but he does insist on complete honesty
I love that Warren knows exactly what God wants. There was no irony in his voice at all. "Here's what the Creator of the Universe enjoys. I know these things and you can tell I'm serious because I'm slightly pudgy and have a slick goatee."

Side note here: The tone of Warren's voice is getting really irritating. It has been the same for the entire book so far and I'm assuming it will continue. It's as though he's talking to a slightly slow eleven year-old who's just not understanding how to tell time. "Ok, so one-quarter of sixty is fifteen, so that means that fifteen minutes after any hour is called 'quarter past' the hour. See? It's easy!"

Condescension from a place of ignorance. Lovely.

Good news alert! You can bargain with god! Abraham did it with the destruction of Sodom and Job bitched a bit and then God defended him (nevermind that God fucked with Job over a stupid bet with the Devil). Also, I guess Moses bitched a bit about the whole "wandering in the desert" thing.

Warren intimates that God is "bored with predictable pious clichés". Warren says:
Until we mature enough to understand that God uses everything for good in our lives, we harbor resentment toward God.
So giving your six year old a terminal cancer is just God trying to teach you something good that you wouldn't get through your thick fucking skull any other way. Got it? Making your crazy husband murder you with an ax in the woods so he can make a magical lottery charm from the fetus in your belly, that's just God trying to make a point about something good to your family and friends. That drunk driver who killed your brother? God just wanted to make sure you understood some aspect of goodness.
God always acts in your best interest, even when it's painful and you don't understand it.
Right. Forgive me if I don't believe you.

Jesus supposedly said, "You are my friends, if you do what I command." Quick note: I don't "command" my friends to do things. Seems like a bit of an odd definition of friendship. Maybe I'm weird.

Warren actually said this gem
We are friends with God, but we are not His equal. He is our Loving Leader...
Doesn't this sound creepily like something any random North Korean would say, through a thousand-yard stare, about Kim Jong Il?
"Because we've been forgiven and set free, we obey out of love"
Let me see if I understand this - you've been set free but you obey a "loving leader" blindly because you love him, even when you don't understand his commands and you've never even seen this supposed being. Gotcha.
It is better to obey than to sacrifice
Sure, but what if you're being commanded to sacrifice? Dammit....

Around this part of the chapter, my mind started to drift away. So much mindless blathering. Talking without really saying anything. I can't believe this piece of crap is a worldwide bestseller. It's actually depressing.... must care about all the people around you whom God cares about. Friends of God tell their friends about God.
Please stay the fuck away from me with your proselytizing nonsense. I'd prefer to sleep in on Sunday.
God loves it when we're passionate with Him.
Um, thanks, no.
You are as close to God as you choose to be.
Awesome. The 10-metre rule is in effect.

If you don't put effort into your "friendship" with God:
...don't be surprised when God allows pain into your life.
What a fucker. He'll kill your kid, but remember...
Pain isn't punishment, it's a wake-up call.
What incredibly fucking callous behavior. "Pay attention to me or I'll let really horrible shit happen to you and your family." Oh sure, "you're as close to God as you choose to be", but if you're not as close as He'd like, he'll let some psycho murder your mom, or a tumor kill your baby. Your fault! You could have prevented all that shit if you just kissed my Universe-creating ass a little more passionately. Ta-Daaaa! Wake up call!

Fuck Rick Warren and fuck his god. As another aside, Ugandan homosexual activist David Kato was killed - beaten to death with a hammer by some asshole. What does that have to do with Warren? Well if you check this article you'll notice this quote:
...homophobia has always existed in Uganda, but the catalyst for violence truly came following a presentation by three U.S. evangelists -- Scott Lively, Don Schmierer, and Caleb Lee Brundidge -- in March 2009. As has been widely reported, they preached anti-gay lectures at a conference that laid the foundation for the "Anti-Homosexuality Bill" spit out of the Ugandan Parliament in the fall of 2009 by David Bahati.
Those three names, Lively, Schmierer, and Brundidge, are all associates of one Rick Warren - check this article for the relevant details.

Preaching homophobic nonsense has consequences. It doesn't matter that Warren now condemns the "kill the gays" bill - which is exactly what it was, by the way. The Ugandan magazine/paper Rolling Stone printed the names, photos, and addresses of the 100 Top Homos but editor Giles Muhame was not happy with the murder of Kato. He said:
There has been a lot of crime, it may not be because he is gay...We want the government to hang people who promote homosexuality, not for the public to attack them.

Point to Ponder: I'm as close to God as I choose to be.

Verse: Draw close to God and God will draw close to you. James IV: verse 8

Question: What practical choices will I make today in order to grown close to God?

7 Barbaric Yawps:

At 27/1/11 11:30 pm, Blogger Fall Garlic said...

Mike, Mike, Mike, put down the book and step away from the vehicle. I have to take a stand here and say that this it is totally fruitless to continue. It pains me to read these posts realising that you had to dredge through this stuff. Point of fact, there is no liberating these people from their place of ignorance. The harder you try the more resolute they become. Keep bringing other bullshit to light but let this one go. It is time.

At 28/1/11 12:32 pm, Anonymous L.Long said...

I too appreciate your ability to absorb such painful, mindless drivel. I too believe this is gone too far as I'm sure your mind has lost 3 points on the smart scale. STOP!!! and try to heal and regrow the brain cells this stuff must have melted.

At 28/1/11 12:43 pm, Blogger Heathen Mike said...

Well, I appreciate the concern. I sort of wanted the project to be a resource for other people - the curious non-believer - to use instead of actually having to read the thing.

That and some jokes. And ranting.

I'll take the advice under consideration :)

At 28/1/11 1:08 pm, Anonymous Yojimbo said...

I agree with the others - it isn't going to get better, and anyone who buys that book because they think it actually has some value is already lost.

You're free as long as you obey orders without question? Oi!

At 28/1/11 3:47 pm, Anonymous Tony said...

Don't listen to them Mike. No pain no gain.

By you reading this crap I am saved from having to do so. Dare I say it . . . you may be my personal savior.

Can I eat your flesh? (I'll settle for transubstantiated chicken wings.)


At 30/1/11 12:55 am, Blogger Alison said...

Sounds as if Warren is channeling Mother Theresa on the pain thing. What a vapid and useless creature he is.

At 30/1/11 7:35 pm, Anonymous Brenda said...

OMG I just loved your comments. Now that I am no longer a Christian - I marvel at how Christians think they know what and how god thinks. Your post just reminded me how crazy it all is.


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